“How shall we sing the Lord’s song in a strange land?” (Psalm 134)
How sing
In a strange land
Full of drooling and blood
Your body wracked, writhing in pain
Drama
Takes place
On this bed of sore suffering
You watch me ghoulishly
Then walk away
I sing
A woman’s scream
Pierces the air of the Holy Place,
Like arrows, pointed, sharp,
Splintering the heavy stillness,
Fragments of her life lay all around,
Shattering the silence,
She sits in disarray,
Shame fills her very soul,
The unforgivable has been done,
You don’t scream in Church.
But what of the sin that was done to her?
Which sin was greater?
Silent she has been for far too long,
Swathed in shame and guilt,
Paralysed by fear.
But now, the life within her stirs,
Her bonds are loosed,
She fights for air,
And finds her voice.
Her scream is sacred
A cat who was riding a scooter
Pipped rather loud on his hooter
He made himself jump
Fell off with a thump
Now he’s down at the vet’s for his supper.
FOR MY FRIEND
I saw her last week, my friend,
Every time she stuns me,
They have called her mad you know.
She sees with eyes that others do not have,
Her insight knows no bounds,
Her intellect so keen,
She always has an answer for the wise guys.
I saw her today, my friend,
Still, she stuns me,
Still she sees with eyes that others do not have,
Still her insight knows no bounds,
Still her intellect is keen
And still she has an answer for the wise guys.
But today, she dies,
Today she is mad with pure clarity,
Such that her mind cannot bear.
I raise my glass to my friend,
The one I thought I knew,
And toast her brilliance
So bright as to scorch
And sear her very soul.
I am the one who is mad,
She the pure prophet.
She’s gone now, my friend,
You know, the one who is mad,
They took her away one night,
Kicking,
Screaming,
Biting,
Fingers flicking light switch,
On, Off, On, Off,
Signalling in code,
“Help me, Help me, Help me”.
No one heard, because of course,
She’s mad.
No one heard the sacred
Screaming out from the deep,
Roaring,
Wailing,
Cursing.
Because of course she sees,
With eyes that are her own,
The truth that others cannot bear,
And neither maybe, can she.
She’ll be back soon,
Quieter,
Sedated,
Normalised,
Will she still see, with eyes that are her own,
The truth that others cannot see,
That drove her to her fate?
Beside me now,
A CD, j
That once she gave to me,
That tells me of her soul.
I finger it in awe,
Tears fall slowly,
I caress the truth,
Her clarity,
And cannot bear the pain
Of my love,
Or hers.
I WROTE THIS SOME TIME AGO BUT NEVER CONTINUED IT. SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY I “LOSt” MY SONG. BUT MAYBE NOT. MAYBE IT WAS STILL THERE ALL THE TIME. I OWE MY THANKS TO DAVID. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU MADE ME BELIEVE IN MY SONG AGAIN.
THE MIRACLE OF MY LIFE: A STORY OF SURVIVAL.
My whole life could be said to be a miracle – the miracle of survival. Survival against all the odds. There is a song that I love to listen to – here are the words of it:
“If I were a singer, I’d sing you a song,
A song that would stay in your heart for ever,
I’d sing it loud and strong, every single word,
So that when my life is over, and I ne’er see you again,
The singer may die, but the song remain.” (Steelye Span)
This book is the song that I want to sing to the world – a song that I hope will remain when I am gone, when my life on this earth is over. It is a song that I want to sing loud and strong, for it is a song of SURVIVAL – a song of Love.
In May 2013 I was given the words,
“Mrs. Lewis, you have cancer.”
It was unexpected, even though I had been ill for a whole year and had gradually become so weak that I was unable to walk, or even lift my head off the pillow. I had to be wheeled into the hospital in a wheelchair. My response to the Consultant was,
“Will it kill me?” He replied,
“I don’t know.”
Outside, it was a bright sunny day – the sort of day when I should have been outside enjoying the sight of the beautiful Spring blossom on the trees, and the flowers that were beginning to bloom in all their various colours. Yet here I was, in a dark and drab hospital room, being told not only that I had cancer, but also that I may die.
Miraculously, after a hard battle, I survived, and in March 2014 I was told I was in remission. Not for the first time had I survived something that threatened my whole existence, both physical and mental, and also spiritual. I have survived so much in my life, and the hand of God has been upon me from the moment of my conception, and it is still upon me today.
After I had been given the awful news, we had gone home, “we” being myself, my husband and my mother. My husband rang my brother, who happened to be on holiday on Holy Island. My brother tells the tale of how the seals had been absolutely quiet all morning, but as he was being given the news, they started to wail, loudly. The wailing has now gone, and has been replaced by a song of joy. One night recently, my husband and I drew up outside a fast food outlet, and quite suddenly, we heard the most beautiful sound of a bird singing. The notes were pure and clear, piercing the dark night air. It startled us in its unexpectedness. But also it thrilled us. Its sheer beauty, ringing out into the darkness of the night, so strongly, lifted us almost to heaven. It was the song of a nightingale. Like the nightingale, I too had learned to sing in the dark, in the most unexpected places. My song is and has been a song of love and survival, despite the many perils that have come my way. It is a song about a Being whatever you call Him, Who says,
“I love you,” and Who from the moment of our conception, stretches out His hand and holds us, whatever we may go through, and however bad it may be.
I learned to sing when I was a child. I knew much fear, and not for no reason. At nights, I would sit up in bed and SING for all I was worth. It seemed to stave off the fear, and send the danger away. Singing became a survival mechanism for me. I SANG in the dark. And now, as an adult, in my moments of deepest darkness, and fear, I sing.
May we ALL learn to sing in the dark, for it is only in the darkness that the purest songs germinate.
Incense swinging
Gay bells ringing
What is this life
If not filled with strife
Holding up the Heavenly Host
What do you really like the most
Go to Confession
Tell your obsession
Toe the line
Then you’ll be fine
Sit at the back, sit at the front
But whatever you do don’t come in drunk
Come in with bare feet
Not looking neat
Fall asleep on the front pew
In everyone’s view
Hiding your face
Not nice to embrace
What brought you here?
Was it your fear?
You took that day
As you watched us pray
That Heavenly Host
And the Holy Ghost
Did it do you much good
On your cross of wood
Did that Heavenly Food
Leave you still screwed
Yes, you left that night
To take up your fight
On the streets paved with gold
Outside the fold
You slept in the gutter
Not a word did you utter
But you’d had your meal
Now how does it feel?
Are you still alive
Did you manage to thrive
Will I see you again
As I write with my pen?
SentP
Dizzy, I stand at the gate of time,
Knowing not where it all will end,
Is it a circle or is it a line?
Is it an enemy or a friend?
I push, the gate opens a little way,
Stretching into the distance a path,
I hesitate now, will I go or stay?
If I go through the gate will I cry or laugh?
I do not know where the path will go,
But it seems to me I cannot stand still,
Standing there, I hear the cock crow,
Have I been betrayed by time’s iron will?
Time sucks me into its fickle arms,
Something veils my sight, but there must be more,
Am I deceived by its fatal charms?
Can I ever reach eternity’s shore?
I walk through the gate, see a golden haze,
It draws me on, I cannot now stall,
There’s no more time left to stand and gaze,
In the silence I hear eternity call.
Life lasts
Not for ever,
Our time here is so short,
Nothing stays the same for ever,
Our minds
Are small
Defined by the box we live in
But eternity calls
Remember, we
Are dust
Many
Marginalised
For being different
Scapegoats are always needed, guilt
A place
To go
Anaesthetised to living pain
The good and the just ones
Walk by, inured
To pain
I was
Stripped naked once
Hanging on the bare tree
Shamed for all to see, bloody, stained,
Taunted
Mocking
Voices sneering “Where is your God?”
Refusing to answer
I committed
To Love
Desert
Within my heart
A succulent rose grows
Watered by the fountain of love
Ever
Bubbling
In the parched and barrenest place
Smell the pure scent of love
The desert blooms
Blossoms
Walls surrounded me
I broke down the barriers
Now watch me flying
Heron I watched you
All summer long, saw your grace,
Statuesque you stood
Childish
Dreams frame sad lives
It doesn’t hurt to dream
For without dreams what would we be?
Lifeless
Puppets
Dancing on a string for others
Hold onto childish dreams
Put breath in them
Grow them
Dogs don’t wear lipstick.”
The slash across my mouth
Was orange like her hair.
I hadn’t thought that morning
Whilst dressing my face
That later I would be a dog.
“You look great today,”
The beads around my neck
Were creamy like my skin,
I hadn’t thought that morning
Whilst painting my grief,
That later she would be my friend.
“i never thought you shone.”
The hair that hung down low
Was greasy like my chin,
I hadn’t thought that morning
Whilst combing it down
That later it would be so black.
“You have your father’s eyes.”
The pain inside my heart
Was pointed like her words,
I hadn’t thought that morning
Whilst sparkling them blue,
That later they would be quite dead.
Dogs don’t wear lipstick!
HOPE IS MY BEAUTIFUL DOG
Hope runs
To greet me, jumps
To kiss me, joyfully,
Is it really only nine months
Ago
You came
To give me back my life again?
Now we are joined as one,
Laughing at life
Dancing
She sank
Into the pain,
Exhausted on the path,
Unable to rise any more,
The last
Mountain
Had been too high to climb, but then
A hand appeared, caressed
Her in her pain,
Tears fell
Unique
The walks we take
Whether by choice or chance
Alone we tread our weary way
Sometimes
Touched by
Those on different walks when when paths join
And oh how sweet that touch
Just for a while
We sing
I looked round today
And all I saw was ash,
The ash of my life, spent,
The flame gone out, dead dreams on the ground in rubble.
The scene was bleak, my eyes
Beheld no beauty,
All was ugly, spent now,
I stood there stripped, knowing I could not pick up ash.
Dreams disintegrated,
Hope gone for ever,
Nothing to re-ignite,
Barrenness was my empty companion today.
But suddenly I heard
A voice, saying “Sing,”
What song could I sing now,
Here in this strangest of strange lands, alien now?
The voice insisted, “Sing”
I opened my mouth,
But no sound would come out,
“ Tell me how to sing,”
“Caged birds can sing, but you don’t have a cage, just sing.
I looked around again,
I couldn’t see ash,
I saw the makings of
A new world, building bricks,
Beauty from ashes, I opened my mouth and sang.
Step out
Of your small boat
Walk across the water
Deep and dark with your suffering
Walk on
Head high
Let not the darkness suck you down
Look ahead to the sun
Drawing you on
Pure light
Darkness
Enfolds me now,
I thrash around to find
Light, and in my thrashings find You,
Holding
Me tight.
The darkness disappears in the
Safety of Your embrace,
I know I will
Survive.
Does your scream rise
Like incense
Sacred as the day it was born?
Or does it lie on the floor
Of the Holy Place
Crushed
Writhing
Fighting for life?
I take the Lifegiving Host
Whilst dying inside
Feel it popped into my mouth
Like a sweetie
To sweeten the putrid smell of my suffering
I clench my fists
In an attempt to suppress what is in me
Whilst listening to holy words
Almost fainting with the effort
Peace
What is peace?
I smile
Whilst my scream writhes on the floor
But I’m lucky to be here
Mostly the doors are locked
They only like unblemished specimens here
Perhaps soon these days will pass
Days of grey fading into dark
Then the waiting will be done
Fate will be accomplished
Days of grey fading into dark
A different way I then will live
Fate will be accomplished
I wait in limbo for this time
A different way I then will live
A foreigner in this land
I wait in limbo for this time
Whiling away my days
A foreigner in this land
No signposts there I’ll find
Whiling away my days
Waiting for time to pass
No signposts there will I find
Just memories that fade
Waiting for time to pass
Colours now all gone
Just memories that fade
Are my companions now
Colours now all gone
Perhaps soon these days will pass
Arrows
Pierced me that day
I reeled at the sharp pain
While fuzzy faces laughed and smiled
Hiding
The truth
Alone, I was left to flounder
In the fog of my life
Comfortable
They sat
Blinded
By the bright light
I turned to leave that place
But found myself in empty space
No doors
Open
The vast white space swallowed me up
I did not exist now
Space within doors
Sight gone
Alone, I was cut off from all,
No one could understand
Desolation filled my soul.
I knew no one could hear me call,
I held death in my hand
Alone, I was cut off from all.
I knew that I was going to fall,
But not where I would land,
Desolation filled my soul.
I cried my tears of bitter gall.
My feet on sinking sand,
Alone, I was cut off from all.
The darkness filled both heart and hall
There was no joyful band,
Desolation filled my soul.
Inside the dark Church I could not pretend,
While candles my embers fanned,
Alone, I was cut off from all.
The flames danced bright near the tree so tall,
I could not comprehend,
Desolation filled my soul
I cried my tears to a hard brick wall,
My life I wanted to end,
Alone, I was cut off from all.
This time of joy, oh what a ball
Relationships we’re meant to mend,
Desolation filled my soul.
All I could hear was the death bell’s toll
As in anguish I began to descend,
Alone, I was cut off from all.
No one heard as I set out my stall,
My lonely way I’d wend,
Desolation filled my soul,
Alone, I was cut off from all.
A woman’s scream
Pierces the air of the Holy Place,
Like arrows, pointed, sharp,
Splintering the heavy stillness,
Fragments of her life lay all around,
Shattering the silence,
She sits in disarray,
Shame fills her very soul,
The unforgivable has been done,
You don’t scream in Church.
But what of the sin that was done to her?
Which sin was greater?
Silent she has been for far too long,
Swathed in shame and guilt,
Paralysed by fear.
But now, the life within her stirs,
Her bonds are loosed,
She fights for air,
And finds her voice.
Her scream is sacred
Weep not, my child, your pain will soon be gone,
Tears will no longer fill your darkened eyes,
Your heart at last will sing a brand new song.
Grief fills you now, but soon it will be done,
Hear well the soft words of the wise,
Weep not, my child, your pain will soon be gone.
Salt tears sting, you stand among
So many for whom the light dies,
Your heart in time will sing a brand new song.
Joy shall be yours, you’ll join the happy throng,
Who know they have no earthly ties,
Weep not, my child, your pain will soon be gone.
One day you’ll know the eternal light has shone
Death will no more deceive you with its lies,
Your heart at last will sing a brand new song.
I see a fluttering on the wall
Flames dancing in the dark
Sunlight making lacy patterns
Frolicking in the grey light
Landing on the corner of the altar
Pure sacrifice of light
Tongues of fire that give me speech
Though sight has gone
I hear the dancing of the light
As outside the wind moves heaven and earth
In the joy of the dance
So many years have passed
And we are used to one another
So comfortable
That even the things that we don’t like
Are like jewels
Embroidered into our lives
So many years have passed
Since that bright day
When i walked
To be united with you
In word and song
And vows that last for ever
And oh what dancing there was
So many years have passed
And now we cannot dance
But the dancing never ceased
For today we dance in our hearts
And we sing with the song of the birds
The dance and the song go on for ever
We live and die together
For the vow can never be broken
So many years have passed
And your breathing goes on
We breathe together
As one
Time is long
Eternity unfathomable
But the song and the dance are eternal
Breathe on my love
Last night you fell
And I fell with you
For you are my light
Though often you don’t know it
And as I wake
I hear you breathing
And know that all is well
And wish for better days for you
That all could be peace again
Just like it used to be
But for us there is no peace
Just the daily struggle
Existing is no joke
Never did we think life could be so hard
And as they say
“There’s many a slip twixt cup and lip”
This we know well
But where is the cup?
And where is the lip?
I see neither
And you fall between them
I heard the thud
Will we ever reach the lip?
You and I together
Drinking on the shores of eternity?
For whither thou goest
I will go
Wherever thou lodgest
I will lodge
Last night you fell
And I fell with you
In the light of dawn
I feel the peace of the morning
And hear you breathing
Today I looked up
Saw light dawning in the sky
With eyes of my heart
Seeing
Not with the eyes
But with the heart is all
That I desire for I am blind
My heart
Tells me
That all the things of great beauty
Dwell deep within its rooms
Those things live on
Always
The fight
Has been long, hard
The road you trod, darkness
Covered the face of the earth. Now,
The veil
Has torn
Opening eternity, hear
It call to you this day
From the darkness,
Find light
Truth is
What you make it
Nothing is absolute
Your truth may not be mine my friend,
Nor mine
Be yours
Truth lives deep within our hearts, look,
“Seek and you will find,” words
That bring us joy,
Truth lives
There’s this and that
And there’s that and this
And I never know really where anything is
I click on a place
Things disappear
Then I try everything to get back to base
I make the screen big
But it’s only a blur
It just makes it worse and it just isn’t fair (lol)
I lose my place
And it makes me mad
I tear my hair out and feel a bit bad
I won’t give up
‘Cos I want to live
It really is only a little blip
So friends forgive
If I go wrong
I know I am nuts, my brain’s like a sieve!
This is just a verse
A silly one
So let’s all remember, it could be much worse
With apologies to REAL poetry lol
I am really sorry. Shantanu, you put a lively Comment on my poem “On the Horse’s Back,” and as I was replying to you I must have clicked something by accident because your lovely comment and what I was writing both totally disappeared. I an so sorry and aporeciated your comnent very much.
I must apologise to everybody because, being blind, and only newly blind, I make mistakes like this as I can’t see the boxes. Please bear with me.
Thankyou to all of you who read and like my offerings, and who make such kind comments. Mi love the duscussions we get sometimes. Peace to all
Lorraine xx
In the dead of night it came
Fear that drove her quite insane
The stars were falling from the sky
It felt as if the end was nigh
In the dead of night
Was it true or just a game?
It did not seem to her so plain
Was it the truth or just a lie?
In the dead of the night
Suddenly inside she felt a flame
Burning fierce, she knew her name
Now she knew she was alight
To save her soul she had to fight
Never would she be put to shame
In the dead of the night
On the horse’s back I rode
Down lanes close to my old abode
It seemed like scenes from yesteryear
I felt the falling of a tear
Soon my grief flowed
As darkness fell the cock crowed
In my heart I bore a load
Here were those things that I held dear
On the horse’s back
High in the sky the moon glowed
In the byre the cattle lowed
Now there is no place for fear
The past is very very near
When so much joy was on me bestowed
On the horse’s back
There once was a woman called Bren
Who showed up again and again
With a great big trombone
That she carried alone
And now she’s outside Number Ten
A flea went into the Confessional
Felling rather professional
It confessed all its sins
Having bit many shins
And was there till the final Processional
A BIT MORE FUN – I love writing limericks! I get hooked once I start doing them
A man who was eating a carrot
Decided to buy a new parrot
He gave it its tea
As fast as could be
Then discovered the parrot ‘ad ‘ad ‘it.
AND NOW, A BIT OF FUN
A woodworm that felt rather good
Chewed its way through lots of wood
But then it got bored
Yelled “This main course is flawed
I think it’s now time for some pud.”
My friend
When all was lost,
Your arms held me, your love
From afar sustained me, my soul
Was crushed,
Cruel
Words attacked me, laid me low, sick
Was my heart, but you gave
Me the balm of
Sweet love
Again
The doors were closed
And I sat helplessly
Invisible it seemed to all
Sighing
I turned
Knowing that this was not my place
Although it should have been
The House of God
Was closed
Last night
I listened well
And heard the voice of Spring
And the lone voice of the blackbird
Ready
To rest
Singing its last song of the night
Soon it would be morning
And at first light
Singing
Voices in the wind
Speak to my soul in whispers
Until the storm comes
Stripped of all facades
She now knew the truth of all
It lived in her eyes
Shining like a diamond
Blinding those who could not see
The clock does not chime
But the rowan bears berries
And I too can bear
The fruits of my suffering
Held out in love
Fading
Summer passions
Time spent in memories
Of brighter things in olden times
Childhood
Joys lived
As I sat under the rowan
Linking with all the souls
Who rested there
May I
Rest too
Held in the joys
That made me who I am
Though now I live in darker times
Holding
Mem’ries
As darkness takes me into dawn
Beyond this sphere in time
May the new world
Come soon
At the end of the lane she rode on by
The sun was shining high in the sky
Her ghostly figure drew me on
I could not get close, the lane was long
I did not ask the question why
She disappeared I tell no lie
In sadness I let out a sigh
What was it that was oh so wrong
At the end of the lane
It felt so eerie I thought I’d die
In that moment I let out a cry
I smelled just then a scent so strong
Then vultures in the air did throng
I knew I had to say goodbye
At the end of the lane
I like
Boundaries, so
Your soul doesn’t steal mine
My soul is sacred, my essence,
I guard
My soul
Fiercely for within it is my
Salvation, eternal
Destiny, save
My soul
In my
House are many
Mansions, places of rest,
Made specially for you wounded child,
Here you
May cry
Never here will you be silenced,
Here the balm of love flows,
Soothing your pain,
Your fear.
This place
I have prepared
Knowing all of your needs
Its walls surround, encircle you,
Protect
And give
You safety you have never known,
There, nothing can harm you,
Nothing can hurt
You child.
It is
Safe in this place,
Don’t be afraid now child,
Your life has been so full of fear,
Making
You hide,
Don’t hide away now, it’s okay,
Look, see, here is my hand,
Take it and come,
Hold on.
Listen,
It is okay,
It isn’t very far,
Deep in your heart there is this room,
A place
I made
In there you can be safe with me,
I’ll always be there child,
Waiting for you,
Just come.
Looking at the rain
I know the world is crying
Cries of suffering
I left your window
Through which you looked out at me
Always glass between
my hour has not come
And so I go in secret
To avoid your glare
Tend not to the darkness within your soul,
Except in as much to know that it is light,
Do not let this darkness take you from your goal
It seems that oh so many afflictions roll,
Descend on you, pleasures take their flight,
Tend not to the darkness within your soul
Darkest nights that assail you take their toll,
The pain you know so well begins to bite,
Do not let this darkness take you from your goal
Do not see the part, but know the whole,
That even darkness to your God is bright,
Tend not to the darkness within your soul
Within this state the dark your pleasures stole,
Never had you been in such a plight,
Do not let this darkness take you from your goal
Soon will come a time that ends your toil,
The prize you aimed for then will be in sight,
Tend not to the darkness within your soul
Do not let this darkness take you from your goal
Never ending
The path that we tread
Beset with perils,
Darkest nights
We lose our bearings,
Stretch out our hands,
Feel our way,
Terror strikes us,
In fear we fall,
But there on the ground we find
Bright gems,
Shining,
Again we rise,
Like gold,
Tested,
Tried,
Proved,
In the fires of life
Sometimes
Another place
Is safer than our own,
We name ourselves what we can be,
Strangers,
We rest
In an alien land, survive
Blackest arrows of war,
Wearing the scars
We gained
I’m a lost soul shaking in the dark
You pursue me
Judge me
Make me fit your box
Your coldness freezes me
Until, like an icicle, I break
Today I am broken
Shivering
Today I search for a warm blanket
But do not find one
Hostility follows me as I search
Never will I find safety
Or the green pastures
And share in your banquet
For this is only for the loved ones
The cherished ones
The ones who do not make mistakes
The perfect ones
Blot free
But I need blotting paper
To blot out the running ink marks
Cotton wool to absorb the blood
I am not like you
And you would never come looking for me
While I search for my blanket
Once again
I feel the hammer’s blow
Once again my blood runs
Cold
No one likes blood
They say the soul leaves your body when you die
Mine has left already
Am I dead?
Your blows blew it away
And nown it floats
Silently
Like a silent scream looking for a home
But there is no home
Its destiny is alienation
Like the dust
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Deep in the dark soil it settles
Dug in as you dug my grave
Progress
Is moving on
Or so you say to me,
But sometimes you get in the way
And I
Trip up
You wonder why I’m on the floor
I am the scapegoat now
Someone to blame
For ills
Outside,
They greeted me,
Vast fronds of yellow, deep,
Luxurious, bury me there,
Within
Their warmth
And I will stay there for ever,
Their glow draws me in, rest
Comes to my heart,
I sigh
Beyond
The boundaries
That keep my soul in check
I find sweet love that sets me free
Takes me
Gently
Into
Blissful
Folds of green gold succulence, veils
That tear apart, open
Up that secret
Abode
Fountain
Bubbling white froth
Energy unleashed, hear
It calling you to drink deep, fill
Your souls
With life
That gushes, gurgles, endlessly
Never now extinguished
See its head rise
Proudly
There were lilac trees at the back of the farmhouse,
In many different hues of purple,
The scent was heady, in the summer’s air,
I will never forget those days,
A child could not have been happier,
The farmhouse now is gone.
Why should such wonderful things be gone?
Nothing was like the farmhouse,
No other place could I have been happier,
I remember the beautiful purple,
And all those heady days,
In the lilac scented air.
I breathed deeply in the intoxicating air,
But now those days are gone,
To be filled with sadder days,
No longer can I visit the farmhouse,
Or feast my eyes on hues of purple,
Can I ever be happier?
Maybe one day I’ll be happier,
And breathe a fresher air,
Air filled with reminders of purple
Flowers that are not gone
Just like those at the back of the farmhouse,
I will await those days.
Maybe soon there’ll be days
That make me feel much happier,
Though now there is no farmhouse,
There still can be scented air,
These are the things that can never be gone,
Days filled with memories of purple.
Now the sky looks purple,
Heralding the return of the days
That cannot ever truly be gone,
I could not now be happier,
My lungs fill with the scented air,
Reminiscent of the farmhouse
The farmhouse smiled in the summer days, when I stayed,
I played beneath the purple lilac never happier,
Swathes of blossom swayed in the air, such memories will never be gone.
Warm sand
Tickles your feet
Blue sky, vast above you,
Soft waves lap gently on the shore,
Soothing,
Kissing
The pain away, like a mother
Cradling the child she bore,
Drying its tears
Gently.
Blindness is a new experience for me. When I was fighting serious cancer, I never thought that the chemo would make me blind and wheelchair bound. I am still aluve, but maimed. It is an isolating experience being blind. Hence this poem:-
How do I know You love me when so far
Are you remote from us beyond the stars?
How can I ever know You as You are
While here on earth held by my prison bars?
Here in my loneliness I cry to You
Knowing from traces that You are the Light
I need Your Light to touch me, see me through
Get me through the darkness of this long night
If only You would come to earth to dwell
That we could see Your face and know Your smile
Oh that we could know that all is well
If only for a very little while
And then I heard You gently telling me
“I came one day to earth to set you free.”
Accept
My truth dark though
It is, it is my life
Is not my life valuable
Though maimed
And torn
Honey coated words do not help
Illusions cannot live
Long in my heart
Pain is
My God
Why have You gone
Is what His Son once cried
Can you behold the pain of Him
Who knew
Darkness
I too live in the deep darkness
That covers my whole land
Away you run
In fear
Is there
Not one to hold
My hand in the darkness
Walking beside me patiently
Seeing
The truth
Through my blind eyes in deep waters
Let us walk together
Through flood and fire
My friend
Is it
Wrong, this self love?
Such treasures I gave you
While blood was pouring out of me
But you
Knew not
Or failed to even look and see
That while you lived I died
For lack of self
Loving
Closer
Than your own breath
Is the comfort you seek
In Love do we have our being
Though pain
Darkens
Our spirits, we reach out and touch
That which is deep within
And find that Love
Waiting
Dark nights
Of weeping leave
Us weak, our hearts open,
In our weakness we find our true strength
In love
Inside
That will never let us go, holds
Us safely in strong arms
Absorbing tears
That fall
Seeking,
You will find rest,
Deep peace beyond measure
It is not far away, but here,
Your heart
Knows it,
Go inside your heart, dear child, lay
Your head down on Love’s breast,
Cry your tears and be soothed,
Trust in this Love,
So deep
A day
Empty of all
The things I ever knew
Inside a nauseating scream
Rises
Gives birth
To a new knowledge that fullness
Looks much like emptiness
For being stripped
Gives life
I don’t knoww what got into me with that last one!
Maybe one day I will be “normal”.
But wouldn’t it be boring?
I remember an incident like that in my last cinquain happening to me in my teens. I don’t THINK it marked me for life!
One day
Suspenders bust
Oh what a to do, then,
“Look at her, her suspenders bust,”
Quick now
Grab her
Covered in shame, embarrassment,
She hid in a corner
Stockings round feet
Glued down
Where did
She go that day?
Plastic aprons, silence,
A room full of emptiness, life
Changing
Numbing
The ground was popular right then,
Eyes turned down towards it
Could it reveal
Endings?
Many people come
Each with their own offering
Listen, coins jangle
I lie here dressed only in my skin,
Stripped bare, inglorious, colourless,
Just like the tree,
All that once I knew,
All that once I displayed,
Gone,
Gone for ever,
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust………
……….But wait,
Inside me the sap,
It rests,
In my roots,
Safe from the cold winds of winter,
Safe from the storms,
Waiting to rise up
When the storms have passed,
No, I am not dead,
Just waiting.
A RONDEAU
By the river the willow stood
Weeping for all that was lost that was good
Bowed down with grief sore tears did fall
How could she bear this bitter gall
It seemed her name was written in blood
Her life was gone however could
She carry now her cross of wood
With every step she took a fall
By the river
But light would come, the green tree would
Bear again the bright Spring’s bud
Hear once more the sweet birds call
Hope spread its strong wings over all
There never would be old deadwood
By the river
Searching
The vast night sky
I see pinpoints of light
Dancing with the rhythm of life
I join
The Dance
Swaying with all of Creation
The Universe pulsing
Its heart beating
With joy
Stand in the shadows
Out of the heat of the sun
And find inner light
Nature heals when nothing else can.
I hear
You in mornings
Filled with wonder, joyful
Songs of the Springtime, sky dancing
Movement
Divine
And at eventide, your song swells
With joys of the past day
Soon you will rest,
Silent
Nearer
To me Someone
Who cares, waiting for me,
Soon, soon, eternity will dawn,
Closer
That time
Comes every day, nearer we are
To our Beloved, He
Nearer to us,
Draw close
I thought that death had got me once
I felt the darkness wrap its arms around me
Hold me tightly, leading me on,
Everything then was closing down
Suffocating its grip
Inevitable its hold
I accepted then my fate
Knowing, there is a time for everything
And a season,
And the time and the season was now,
I said “Goodbye”
And rested,
But then the miracle occurred
Suddenly there was the beginning
Of light and life
Like a flood it swept over me
Bathing me, cleansing me
And I heard bells ring
Alleluia, alleluia
Light fades,
It is dark now,
My cry rises to heaven,
I scrabble in the damp dark earth,
Anguished,
Torn,
My hand lights on a tiny stone,
A stone without a name,
I name it Hope,
Light comes.
Stopped by the wall I found a tree
It seemed to draw me into its world
I saw people passing in its lee
Stopped by the wall I found a tree
With my blind eyes I could not see
But somehow or other the tree set me free
Stopped by the wall I found a tree
It seemed to draw me into its world
After the tree fell, what were you saying?
“It was the tree’s fault for not being strong”
Although it was wounded, the sap sinking,
Blow upon blow hitting for far too long,
Each time the sap rose again, defiant,
But nobody saw the cost to the tree
On its own strength alone, was reliant,
It knew of no other sure way to be,
How can you judge what is weakness and strength
When you’ve never been wounded by such blows?
Of such woundedness knowing not a tenth,
Yet the sap in the strong tree always rose,
It could never have been the tree to blame,
It never will hang its proud head in shame
Nothing
But shadows wait
For me now, bright morning
Sun reminds me of what I knew
The lark
Rises
Her plaintive song a requiem
For what I once knew, lost
Now for ever
Sing on
I sit one day looking at the fields,
A flash of colour takes my eye,
It darts so fast across the water,
I am mesmerised by such deep, rich colour,
It lands quite suddenly on a branch,
A beautiful tiny kingfisher.
For the very first time I see the kingfisher,
In a dyke surrounding the fields,
So close it sits on the swaying branch,
I see it clearly in my eye,
I am entranced by its wonderful colour,
Gently flows the water.
It sits looking at the moving water,
Containing fish for the kingfisher,
How amazing is its colour,
Matching the green of the fields,
Showing up on the grey-brown branch,
I can hardly move my eye.
I see it fluttering in my eye,
It starts to dart across the water,
Flying off the swaying branch,
This beautiful little kingfisher,
The wind blows gently on the fields,
The grass a shimmering green in colour.
I become aware of deeper colour,
Wherever I cast my eye,
Whether it be on the sky or on the water,
On the wild flowers in the fields,
Or on the little kingfisher,
That fluttered off the grey-brown branch.
Inside I thank God for that grey-brown branch,
My life now is full of deeper colour,
Brought into being by the kingfisher,
On which I feasted my eye,
As I look at the colours in the field,
I thank God for the moving water.
The sun shines on the water enhancing dancing colour ,
Even the brown-grey branch, that draws my eye,
Catching the shimmering green of the Field, reflected in the kingfisher’s wing
Morning
Dew falls
Clothing the earth
With the freshness of Love,
Yesterday now is gone, all things
Made new
I wake
From slumber to newness of life
Though the long path be hard,
It must be trod
This day
Why can’t you see that
Heaven is down on the ground
Reach down and touch it
Build me a padded room,
And build it soon,
Because…….
I’m going to shout, shout, let it all out,
Paint a room bright red,
Play raucous music on my radio,
With the windows down,
Become a noise polluter.
I’m going to run into Boots and shout Shoes,
I’m going to create non-Newtonian flowers
That hang from the sky and don’t come down.
I’m going to wear Union Jack knickers
And flash them at Dog Obedience class,
I’m going to go bra-less and knickerless through Leek buttermarket,
And buy lavender and pinks and sweet williams for the garden,
I’m going to see Freddie Starr,
Nd fart and blow raspberries.
I’m going to get a condom
And fill it with His Nibs holy words,
So’s they can’t get into me.
I’m going to bathe in a tin bath in the garden,
Early in the morning,
With the dew on my face.
I’m going to kiss the sky,
And hold a cloud,
And then blow it away – gently.
I’m going to walk on water,
And find – that i can float.
I’m going to go down Baslet market,
And stare Her Nibs in the face,
And dance in front of her.
I shall dance, dance,
Like the yellow on the end of a piece of wood,
Until there is no more pain,
And then i’ll be me,
And everyone will know and hear me,
And i’ll be alive again.
Build me a padded room
And make it soon.
I bask in the sunset of a molten day
Sinking into vanilla sheets cooling sizzling sinews
Stretched beyond forbearance
Snapping in the lava flow
Red with intent
Is this the calm before the storm
The explosive gases of your hatred
For I have learned it well
That history repeats itself
And nothing is ever sated
Save my inner essence
That drinks of everlasting waters
Frothing from the ground
If I fall you too
Will feel a trembling inside
For that could be you
Time waits
In the shadows
For the dawning of light
Watching the flickering dancing
Flames of
Pure gold
Sees them approach, knowing that soon
They will envelop dark,
Eternity
Calls us
Who is this that chases me down the years?
Many roads I have taken, only to meet him again
Waiting for me at the point of my deepest fears
Who is the one who the course of my life steers?
I think I am in control, but who writes it with the pen?
Who is this that chases me down the years?
What is it that this man forever towards me bears?
Is it the same for all women and men?
He waits for me at the point of my deepest fears
On my journey, sometimes the sickening fog clears
As I carry my sorrows feeling hopeless, then…….
Who is this that chases me down the years?
If only I could learn to trust this figure that appears
Please tell me who he is, my friend
He waits for me at the point of my deepest fears
Is that a smile that on his face he wears?
Is this where something new can now begin?
Who is this that chases me down the years?
Waiting for me at my point of deepest fears
I felt
Your face today
With my fingers, gently
Caressing Your wounds, feeling mine
Keenly
As one
We danced in the Sanctuary,
For the sake of glory
Joined together
Entranced
Sitting
Outside, nature
Was silent, the cold bit,
But
in the freshness of the air
I heard
Birds call
In their calls I felt the aching
Of all hearts crying out
To some great love
Beyond
Wind roars
Outside the Church,
Whipping the grass and trees,
Birds sing above the loud roaring.
Listen.
Be still.
Softly I come to you sweet child,
I am still here, feel me
Brushing your face,
Peace, child.
I have a story to tell. A sad story. Yes. It wraps itself around me this night. It covers me in its blanket of stones. Seriously. Yes, tonight, I just lost all. Something that I had tried to save. Something old. Ancient in fact. For so many years I have striven to keep it. But now, it has gone. Was it of worth? Maybe not. But I thought it was. Maybe it was not real. Maybe I was brainwashed. ME, BRAINWASHED? Me, with all my intellect? My knowledge? My education? Certainly. Anyone can be brainwashed. It happens when you are vulnerable. When you are in need, without really knowing it. It gets below your defences. And it is cruel.
Tonight I am bereft. Yet strangely happy. I will grieve. Oh yes, I will. But thank God it has gone.
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