REACH FOR THE SUN

Reach for
The sun my child,
Turning your face lightly,
Until the gold blooms on your skin,
Taking
You to
A new place in time, free from pain,
Fly on sorrows dark wings,
Made golden now,
Dancing

THIS HAIKU CAME OUT OF MY EXPERIENCE TODAY WITH DEEP BODILY PAIN

Oh darkness of pain
You consummated my life
My God where are You?

GOLDEN DAWN

Golden
Dawn promises
The golden crown of life
Though first there is a race to run
Mountains
To climb
In the parched desert of our lives
We find nuggets of gold
A foretaste of
New life

PASSING THROUGH

Passing through this world
We leave a trace, good, ill, nought
Can erase us now

FATHOM THE DEEP

Fathom
The deep inside
You, walk on deep waters
Do not be afraid, for there you
Will learn
Depths of
Love you never knew before, move
Across the waters, plumb
Their depths, joy comes
With birth

DEAD PEOPLE

Sear me with your words
Until I become lifeless
And then watch me rise
Dead people don’t walk do they
I do the impossible

THE FLEA ON A BUS

A flea was once sat on a bus
And it heard everyone discuss
How to get rid of fleas
With the greatest of ease
And really wished it was a puss

THE COMICAL FLEA

There once was a comical flea
Who came to our house for tea
He jumped up and down
Was the best in town
And gave entertainment for free

THE COCKEREL AND THE BEE

A cockerel that strutted around
With beautiful feathers was crowned
Till one day a bee
Landed on him for tea
And he crowed as he danced round and round

RISING

I hear
Birds call in trees
I once could see, water
Running beside me, maybe soon
I will
Run too
The lark rises into the sky
Her breast to the sun, sings
Her sweet song, hope
Rises

Maybe
One day I too
Will rise, face the sun, sing
A song of triumph, sorrow gone,
Tears wiped
Away
The sun calls me like the birds, shines
In my heart, warming me,
Do you see it?
Look now

BRIGHT SUNS SHOULD NEVER DIE

She can’t do anything anymore,
Stands
Where stars once were
That fell into her eyes
And danced.
Strains
Each dark and glistening orb
Till each become a tear
And drop
Why is there only pain?
Bright suns should never die

BROKEN

Why
Do some not fit?
Like a foot that will not
Go into a shoe
A broken piece of a jigsaw puzzle
Shouldn’t there bo room
For the broken ones
The torn ones
Raw with the red of their suffering
But together you huddle
Puting up your “No Entry” sign
Having enjoyed your banquet
To which some could not come
Empty invitations
Because you knew
Some could not get there thenselves
Because they are broken
Shattered
You speak your empty words
Holding hands together
Some at the back
No peace for them
From you who give each other peace
Nothing to heal their brokenness
They gag with hunger

THE SUN WENT DOWN

The sun
Went down tonight
And as it did, so fell
Many other sons and daughters
Of the
Most High
The sun will rise again, shining
Its pure light on the earth
May they too rise

NEW WORLD WAITING

Stable
You gave shelter
When there was no one there
Who would make room for a woman
With child
Today
There is still no room at the inn
For those untidy lives
That do not hit
The mark

Make room
For untidy
Ones who beg for mercy
For in truth they may be angels
Lighting
Your path
Angels do not always have wings
But tangled hair, no shoes,
Appearances
Deceive

Judge not
Those whom you see
Who do not look the same
As you, who walk the streets begging
One day
You too
May find yourself in that dark place
May there be a stable
To shelter you
Give warmth

The world
Is untidy
Littered with lives gone wrong
Upside down people challenging
The right
Way up
Ones who really are upside down
A new world of mercy
Beckons us all
Greet it

FREEDOM

Freedom,
A state of mind,
No prison bars can hold
Those who hold freedom within them,
Have legs
That dance,
Blind eyes see the wonder of life,
The created world sings,
Hearts are set free,
To live

Take up
Your freedom now
Tear down those prison bars
For in your mind you find all things
Take heart
Courage
And become the one whom you are
You were meant to be free
Rejoice my friend
And sing

DON’T LOOK BACK

Don’t look back,
You cannot re-create the past
The present moment is all you have
Memories inform your present
But you can only live for now
The present moment may be dark
But remember the light
And the light will come again

AS SHE SAT

As she
Sat she saw with
Him the desolation
Of a life that was almost gone
Decay
Sat there
And he, knowing life would end soon
Took up what now was left
And cried no tears
For him

YAWNING DAYS

Yawning days settle
On feathered soil so gently
Rest in their beauty

BRIGHT STAR

Bright star
I love your light
Shining in the dark sky
I reach out to you in the dark
Touching
Your heart
Together our hearts beat as one
Aching to shed our light
In a dark world
Tonight

MOONRISE

Moonrise
In the coldness
Of winter days, mystic
Orb, gradually appearing,
Darkened
Sky frames
Its rising, a portent of joys
As yet unknown, how large
You seem, shining
On me

THE MAN WARCHING TELLY

There once was a man watching telly
Who decided to give it some welly
It was a bad choice
He soon lost his voice
He cried “Not again. On your nellie.”

TIN BOX

Here in this tin box
Are the best of memories
Take one out each day

IN THIS PLACE

This place I have been so many times before
And pushed on the heavy oaken door
Inside the darkness fills my soul with light
Eternity held within to Souls delight

A halo shines into the gloom of night
And here my blind eyes glory in the sight
Of things unseen by human eyes before
In this place I have been

The flame of love within my heart ignites
And rises with my song into the heights
How could my aching spirit ask for more
One day I’ll reach with You that golden shore
I see now with faiths eye beyond my plight
In this place I have been

INTO THE DARK NIGHT

Into
The dark night souls
Go to empty themselves
Of dross that does not satisfy
True life
Dwells there
So take the journey in the dark
Searching not for the light
But for the truth
That shines

LOVE BEYOND

Sitting
Outside, nature
Was silent, the cold bit,
But in the freshness of the air
I heard
Birds call
In their calls I felt the aching
Of all hearts crying out
To some great love
Beyond

BENEATH THE STURDY ROWAN TREE

Can I claim the land where I am now a foreigner
And maybe always was
As I sit beneath the rowan tree
That sturdily guards all souls
This place was always their home
The home I wanted for myself
For all eternity
That never in time was mine
Though when always so far
I yearned for this place that I called home
I heard so many names
Knew the folks from stories told
And through such tales
Felt one of them
And now I sit here
Next to death
And long to claim this land
Beneath the sturdy rowan tree

SHINING

Ladies
Fingers adorned
The lonely green grass verge
With violets and campions
Colours
So bright
Glorious were those summer days
Shining with love and life
Now in the dark
I shine

Scenes come
Into my mind
From wondrous childhood days
Sadness
I knew
But always there was the shining
Nature taught me to love
In the darkness
And light

LUMINOUS DARKNESS

Darkness,
Luminous, glows
With the pure light of God
At the top of the mountain, “see”,
The cloud
Covers
His face,
Too bright to see with naked eye,
But with our senses gone,
Our heart alone
Sees God

THE FLEA WHO LIKED CHEESE

There once was a flea who liked cheese
Who suddenly started to wheeze
His mates told him off
When they heard his bad cough
And said “Hey mate now just stick to knees”

THE FLEA IN DESPAIR

There once was a flea in despair
Who decided to say a prayer
His burden it eased
He was rather pleased
So he did it again for a dare

THE FLEA THAT WAS ILL

There once was a flea that got ill
Who decided to take a pill
He took to his bed
And thought he was dead
Till he woke right up in a cold chill

PEACE

Peace strives,
Wrestles and climbs
Stairways to heaven’s door,
Is not satisfied, ever still,
Rests in
Pastures
Surrounded by hills that call you
To walk, struggle and strive
Meet obstacles
And climb

VALIANT SOULS

To wake to the growing light
In the shadow of yesterday’s pain
Breathing fresher air
With hope for a clear day
Is a joy unknown to those
Whose path is bright
And as the new day comes to birth
So does my soul awake
Knowing well the treasures
Of the darkened path
And the potential for the redemption
Of each piercing pain
Though this path is hard
It cannot destroy the valiant soul
And one day we will wake
To an endless day
Where pain is no more
And tears do not ceaselessly flow
Where pure peace is our reward
O march on valiant souls
Your day will come

SONG FROM THE GROUND

She was well acquainted with the ground,
Mostly, it was all she could see,
Though now, even that was simply black,
She scrabbled daily with her raw bare hands,
She tried to cry with her voice,
But now her voice was gone.

Everything in her life had gone,
All she had now was the ground,
If only someone had heard her voice
And seen that she could not see,
Touched her with their hands
Pierced her world of black

She groped around in the black,
Her dignity now was gone,
Bleeding were her hands,
As she dragged them along on the ground,
How she longed to see,
For someone to hear her voice

She used to sing with her voice,
Now her songs were black,
Not only could she not see,
Her walking now was gone,
Knocked down onto the ground
She reached out with her hands

She still could use her hands
Though weak now was her voice
No one looked down on the ground
Left her there in the black
All her friends were gone
Now that she could not see

But wait……she above all could see
And touch now with her hands
That place which had never gone
She sang now with her voice
A song that was no longer black
From her place down on the ground

Down on the ground she reached out with her hands,
For she could no longer see, weak now was her voice
But she sang out loud in the black, for heaven had never gone

THE CRY

Scarred this day by wounds that bleed
Bodies writhe
Speech becomes paralysis
No one can tell such agonies
Platitudes do not even act as plasters
No bandage can stem the blood flow
Pillows soaked with the unredeemed
Sickness
Becoming redeemed by suffering
And the bearing thereof
Alone such bearers dwell in darkness
Wondering when it will all end
Crying out to the God of Job
And Jesus too
“Where is my Father?”
In pure abandonment
The stakes are high
But who cares about stakes
When flesh falls from bones
And sinews ache
And bodies stiffen unto death?
In pure abandonment
The cry rises to Heaven
The answer is Silence

DARE

Take this day and live it
Break illusions, let them go
Wake to better things, and dance
Shake the world in your energy flow

Wear with pride your new self
Tear away old skins
Share your heart with those you meet
Dare to be the one who wins

THE END OF TIME

The world is in motion
Nothing still
As the Dance goes on
Weaving
Gliding
Twisting
Forming patterns like the crystals of a snowflake
Painting pictures
Creating stories
Dying
Birthing
Re-creating
Is there really a time for everything
Or is everything in its time?
And is there a difference?
Soon, time will be no more
The Dance will end
As eternity calls
The picture will be complete
But how will the story end?
As eternity calls
A new book will be opened
A book called “The Book of Life”
And in this book
A day will be like a thousand years
And a thousand years like a day
And here, there will be no endings
Or even beginnings
For time will be no more
In a life that is eternal

SHATTERING SILENCE

I speak
But silence breaks
The air, shattering words
That mean nothing, they bounce on ground
Heavy
With grief
That has not got a name, but lives
In hearts that cannot see
Needing the light
Of love

HERON

Heron I watched you
All summer long, saw your grace,
Statuesque you stood

STILLNESS

Stillness
In the morning
Amidst chaos of pain
Still the birds outside are singing
Sweetness
Pervades
The air that we breathe in the dark
Refresh my soul oh Love
In the darkness
So light

PEACE

Peace comes
In nothingness,
A void stripped naked, full
Of emptiness of surrender
The vain
Longings
For things which cannot ever last
That never truly feed
Or quench our thirst
For life

STRIPPED I TRAVEL

Stripped I travel now
Never two of anything
Only what I need

TAKE MY HAND

Take my hand and hear the birdsong,
Smell with me the forest pine,
Feel with me the dew of the morning.

Hear the beat of the bird’s wings flying,
Raise your face up to the moonshine,
Take my hand and hear the birdsong.

Hear the fountain burbling, gurgling,
Taste the taste of wine so fine,
Feel with me the dew of the morning.

Feel the trunk of the old tree leaning,
Touch its bark from ancient time,
Take my hand and hear the birdsong.

Though without sight the world is teeming,
Unable to walk pure joy is mine
Take my hand and hear the birdsong,
Feel with me the dew of the morning.

A FLEA CALLED JONAH

There once was a flea called Jonah
Who turned into a right old groaner
He met a big whale
And went rather pale
When the whale said “Hey mate, you’re dinner”

A FLEA CALLED ADAM

There once was a flea called Adam
Who got off with a right young Madam
An apple he ate
At the garden gate
And his Eve said “Yay, I’m a bad ‘un.”

A FLEA CALLED NEHEMIAH

There once was a flea called Nehemiah
Who really could not jump higher
He bit only knees
And had trouble with these
And he’ll never now be a high flyer

WAITING

Waiting for the dawn
I look up to the dark skies
And see the stars shine

CAGED BIRDS

Caged birds
Sing because they
Must and so must I in
Harmony with all who from their
Prisons
Sing with
Clear intent, showing the world that
Nothing can stop the song
Not even chains
That bind.

TREASURES

Treasures of the dark
Await the stripping of light
Give me the darkness

IN SILENCE SHE WALKED

In silence she walked
Listening for the dawning
Of new worlds waiting

MYRIAD DARKNESSES

No one could ever understand the myriad darknesses I have gone through since going into remission from serious and advanced cancer. I have gone through what I can only describe as a total stripping process. A process whereby I was left naked and bare before the Throne of Grace. If I thought cancer was bad, and the nakedness and stripping that I endured then, this was even more deep and profound. I remember thinking, when I had cancer, “Do I really want to fight this?” And I knew, deep inside myself that truly, I did not want to fight. Heaven beckoned, and it was there that I wanted to go. Had I known what lay ahead, I do not know whether I would have gone ahead and fought or not. I fully expected that if I fought and won, I would be living a ‘normal’ life again. I did not expect what happened.

It was strange – but one day, just after going into remission, I was watching a blind gospel singer and piano player on the television, and something deep inside me said,

“You are going to be blind.”

I did not understand at the time, but I thought that if this was true, I would have the opportunity to use it, and to show people that adversity does not have to destroy you.

Since then, I have gone blind. It happened gradually, and it has been a long process of saying “Goodbye.” Goodbye to faces, to the things of nature that I loved, to colours, and to much much more. I am not going to say that the process has been pain free, and indeed, there have been times when I have agonised and cried out. But that is okay. I am not going to say that I am happy to be blind, but that I try to be the best that I can be, as a blind person. I have met much misunderstanding along the way, endured many insults, many rejections, but despite the pain, have lived through them all. It was a shock at first, to be treated in such a way by so many, and it did not help that I am also wheelchair bound. But I have learned a lot.

Blindness is so isolating. Relationships with people change. It is possible to go to a place where there are many people, but to be isolated from them all. When you are blind, you can hear people, but you cannot see where they are, and you cannot therefore go to them and start talking to them. If they do not come to you, which often happens, even in a church, you can leave having spoken to no one. The isolation is the worst thing that a blind person has to bear.

I am not glad that I am blind, but I am glad that I have learned how, more and more, to drink from the well that is deep within me, and that I have discovered the “treasures of the darkness.”

DEEP WATERS

Bring to light that which is hidden
Nestling deep in the darkness
Sing into being that which should live
Wing your chosen way onwards

Do not fear the deep waters
You were once held in this ocean
Too many times you stood at the edge
New life is yours for the taking

DARK PLACE

Dark place,
I sink into
Your arms, hold me, heal me,
Let me close my eyes, to my pain,
Forget
The past
Within the dark may a new day
Be born, with no more pain,
No more sorrow,
Hide me

I WALK ALONE

At the place where the rivers meet
I dream
Vast open space where fresh winds blow
Within this space I walked
In times gone by
When love was young and bodies strong
And now I cannot walk nor even see
And dreams are all I have and memories too
How long it seems since when I walked with you
Looking back is all I have
And past years stretch
As long as the river and out to the sea
Is it really that long?
The future now holds only pain for me
I grieve the passing of the years
And fear takes hold
As the unknown beckons me
And kindness seems to be the rarest thing
I walk alone now
Above the great rivers
No one to hold my hand and guide me through
No one to offer comfort in this world
Today the vastness draws me in
Today I walk alone

INFINITE SANCTUARY

Bosom of darkness
Infinite Sanctuary
Germinating life

THE LIGHT KISSED HER WOUNDS

Pain darkened her face
At the dawning of the day
The light kissed her wounds

LIGHT

On the edge light caught
The one who looked over, leaned
Into the darkness

SOFT STREAMS

I CAN’T REMEMBER IF I HAVE POSTED THIS OR NOT BUT I JUST FOUND IT

Soft streams of gentleness flow
To comfort those who weep
Bathe in their healing waters
That disturb your grieving soul
Let them caress you tenderly
Bind your wounds
Kissing you with deepest love
Oh yes
There is love for you
Love too deep for words of poetry
Only the waters can heal you
We were meant for the water
Conceived in the wetness of Divine Waters
Bathe your body and your soul
Gently in the waters
Oh my child
Be healed

THE MAN WITH A SORE HEAD

A man who had a sore head
Decided to stay in bed
He stayed there too long
There was such a pong
For nobody knew he was dead

THE MAN WHO ATE PEAS

A man who ate too many peas
Began to turn green and wheeze
He got such a fright
When one windy night
He floated away in the breeze

IT SHOWED IN HIS EYES

Pain darkened his face
But inside his spirit shone
It showed in his eyes

THE WOMB OF THE WORLD

The womb of the world
Contains the waters of life
Ready to give birth

THE FLEA THAT GOT INTO A MESS

A flea that got into a mess
Decided he had to confess
His many great sins
Committed on shins
And on bums legs and tums, no less

LIGHT OF THE WORLD

Deep in the darkness
We find the Light of the World
Do not fear the dark

ONE WITH THE DARKNESS

One with the darkness
That dazzled her with its light
She found her healing

GOING BACK

Going back to live
Once again those dreamy days
Innocent the child

MYSTICAL ROWAN

Red berries cluster
On the mystical rowan
Blood of deep healing

MYSTICAL JOURNEY

Mystical journey
To the Beloved Who dies
Yet lives on in me

VELVET FOREST

The velvet forest
Dresses my spirit aching
To be made anew

FRUITS OF LABOUR

In the fading light
Times of plenty are secured
Fruits of labour stooked

SEA

I sit by the sea
Watching the waves hit the shore
My soul is washed clean

AT THE EDGE OF LIGHT

Leaves fall at the dying time
Sheaves not long been stooked
Weaves the light through the naked trees
Grieves the child who looked

Playing at the edge of light
Singing unaware of time
Bringing innocence to bear
Tolling bells sound as clocks chime

THE WOMAN WHO JUST COULDN’T SLEEP

There was a young woman who said
I can’t stand these rhymes in my head
They keep me awake
Just give me a break
And please let me sleep instead

A FLEA CALLED MARK

There once was a fine flea called Mark
Who didn’t much like the dark
He lit up his house
And startled a mouse
Who squeaked all night long for a lark

A FLEA CALLED JIM

There once was a flea called Jim
Who jumped around singing a hymn
“Let’s fight the good fight
With all of our might
And bite the whole world on the shin”

HEARTBEATS

Listen your heart beats
In tune with the Universe
In a minor key

A FLEA CALLED ROY

There once was a flea called Roy
Who got in with a flea called Joy
They made lots of love
Then the angels above
Cried with Joy “It’s a boy, it’s a boy.”

A FLEA CALLED JILL

There once was a flea called Jill
Who wanted to go on The Pill
They checked her all out
To a wondrous great shout
“I will, Jack, I will, I will.”

THE FLEA CALLED PRU

There once was a flea called Pru
Who one day got stuck in some glue
She started to shout
Cos she couldn’t get out
And was rescued by someone called Stu

A FLEA CALLED BETH

There once was a flea called Beth
Who married another called Seth
They set up a home
Then started to roam
With a baby flea whom they called Steph

THE BEAUTIFUL FLEA

There once was a beautiful flea
Who went out dressed up for her tea
She fell in a puddle
Right up to her middle
And now she’s as mad as can be

THROUGH THE GATE

Dizzy, I stand at the gate of time,
Knowing not where it all will end,
Is it a circle or is it a line?
Is it an enemy or a friend?

I push, the gate opens a little way,
Stretching into the distance a path,
I hesitate now, will I go or stay?
If I go through the gate will I cry or laugh?

I do not know where the path will go,
But it seems to me I cannot stand still,
Standing there, I hear the cock crow,
Have I been betrayed by time’s iron will?

Time sucks me into its fickle arms,
Something veils my sight, but there must be more,
Am I deceived by its fatal charms?
Can I ever reach eternity’s shore?

I walk through the gate, see a golden haze,
It draws me on, I cannot now stall,
There’s no more time left to stand and gaze,
In the silence I hear eternity call.

A FLEA CALLED RUSS

There once was a flea called Russ
Who was mad cos he missed his bus
He ran round and round
But was stopped by the sound
Of the voice of his sweetheart called Gus

WHAT DO I KNOW?

I know today
That I know nothing
And as I shrink,
You grow
Once I could see
Now I am blind
The path ahead was clear
Now I see nothing
If I look forwards
I learn nothing
Except that I am blind
And so I have no choice
Except to look inwards
For in looking inwards
I do not need my eyes
And yet
Without eyes
I see far more looking inwards
Than ever I could with my eyes
And as I travel inwards
I see
That I know nothing
Except that by grace
I will be saved
And what is better
To see the path ahead
And feel sure
Or to travel inwards
And know that I know nothing
At all
And thereby
To find my true self?

WOUNDS

I see
Your wounds but know
That many are hidden
Deep in your heart, wounds recognise
Those of
Others
Reach out and touch each other, stretched
Out so tenderly, let
My wounds touch yours
My friend

WOMAN

A woman cries,
Hunched low,
In rhythmic sway,
Cradles the child
Who danced
In celebration fields
Of gold.

Soft days
In gentle sand
Lapped body’s shore,
While sunny stories
Nestled
In darkening crook
Of summer’s arm.
A woman moans
Her last goodbye
To childhood’s startled innocence
Then slowly turns,
In ever widening circling dance
To greet
New sunlight’s
Golden dawn

CLOSER THAN YOUR BREATH

Closer
Than your own breath
Is the comfort you seek
In Love do we have our being
Though pain
Darkens
Our spirits, we reach out and touch
That which is deep within
And find that Love
Waiting
Dark nights
Of weeping leave
Us weak, our hearts open,
In our weakness we find our true strength
In love
Inside
That will never let us go, holds
Us safely in strong arms
Absorbing tears
That fall
Seeking,
You will find rest,
Deep peace beyond measure
It is not far away, but here,
Your heart
Knows it,
Go inside your heart, dear child, lay
Your head down on Love’s breast,
Cry your tears and be soothed,
Trust in this Love,
So deep

A FLEA CALLED FRANK

There once was a flea called Frank
Who went one day to the bank
He said “Give me cash
Cos I’ve got to dash
I’m meeting my best mate called Hank”

A FLEA CALLED STEVE

There once was a flea called Steve
Who decided he wanted to leave
The flea jumping school
He wasn’t a fool
And escaped under somebody’s sleeve

PART OF THE VICAR)S WIFE STORY

First impressions always count, they say, and mine proved to be right – but I could never have imagined what was about to happen. My whole life was turned inside out, and upside down. Fifty three years virtually disappeared, to be replaced by two and half bittersweet years – a roller coaster ride of stomach lurching highs and lows. Even now all this time later, I feel in a daze about what happened. I wake in the morning, feeling as if I am not really where I am, and full of fear. I have to force myself, by sheer effort of will to do the most ordinary things. Even on the most beautiful of days, with the sun shining, and everything to live for, I find myself drawn to that most awesome rock face, our trysting place – a place of death.

THE LONG SLEEP

Darkness breeds in the shallow pool of deep despair
An emptiness that holds nothing and all life is gone
Exhaustion can’t swim any more with the tide
And the emptiness pulls at the soul
The Long Sleep awaits and nothing remains
Just the darkness of night and the coming of death

THE VICAR’S WIFE

It was the bright red lipstick that was the telltale sign. It didn’t quite fit with the rest of her. She was looking at me as I walked swiftly up the garden path to the front door, and it was as if she was trying to smile but couldn’t quite manage it. She was real enough, dressed for the task – trousers of a nondescript colour, with a bright blue anorak. Her lips were thin and wavy, and the lipstick stood out on her pale face. Despite the smile, she looked wan. She paused, foot resting on the spade that she was about to drive into the ground, and looked at me almost with a pleading, as if trying to transmit who knows what horrifying message to me. Even then, there was a menacing feel about everything. I knew that things were not right in this place. She seemed to be almost a non-person, the life gone out of her, the lipstick a disguise for what was really going on.

It was a long time before I saw her again, except in the distance. Gardening – she was always gardening. She was like a phantom, there yet not there. It was when I was invited to dinner one day that I got to know her a little better. This was her place, it seemed. This was where she came into her own, if in a rather embarrassed way at first. She was at home in the kitchen, as she put together a meal of bits and pieces left over from Sunday’s lunch. It was obvious that she found talking difficult. The meal was eaten for the most part in silence. Later, I was furnished with an explanation for the flatness in her. For most of her married life she had suffered severely from depression, and the drugs dampened her emotions. And yet I sensed that she lived constantly on the edge of fear. It was her eyes that told me, and her body language. She seemed to cower, and it was as if she wanted to disappear completely. But the bright red lipstick remained. What was she trying to say with it? What terrible message was she trying to convey?

I visited often after that, and always, she wore the bright red lipstick. When she went out, which was quite infrequently, she put on a bright blue trouser suit, and perfume. It seemed odd that she should wear perfume, but it was the most expensive kind. Despite the effort that she put into her appearance on these occasions, things were never quite co-ordinated. For my part, her appearance jarred. Always it seemed to be signalling that there was something not quite right here.

Later, much later, I discovered what it was. She was getting the ice off the freezer walls – hacking away at it with a fury that I had never seen before in her. Her movements were fast and hard, and the noise was frightening. Just like the sobs that rent her whole being when she eventually sat down, exhausted. I had never seen her like this before, but I had sensed the tension building up in her. It had been building for days – she had gone on a cleaning spree, dusting and scrubbing everywhere. Even the tops of the wardrobes were cleaned, something that she made a big show of. And when eventually she sobbed, I held her in my arms. She was like a little child. I stroked her head, and was surprised to feel how wirey her greying hair was. I had expected it to be soft, almost like a baby’s. But it was tough – oh so tough beneath my fingers. We were close in that moment, as she began to unwind and tell me things that she had hardly known how to tell anyone before. I felt that she had hardly dared to admit them to herself either. It was all there – jealousy, resentment, anger, fear. And then, the final words, “Something has died inside of me.”
(To be continued)

THE CAT ON A SCOOTER

A cat who was riding a scooter
Pipped rather loud on his hooter
He made himself jump
Fell off with a thump
Now he’s down at the vet’s for his supper.

THE INSIDE OUT MAN

A man who had turned inside out
Felt strange as he wobbled about
He walked upside down
Wearing a frown
As he started to shrink down to nowt

THE CARROT AND THE PARROT

A man who was eating a carrot
Decided to buy a new parrot
He gave it its tea
As fast as could be
Then discovered the parrot ‘ad ‘ad ‘it.

HOPE LIVED AGAIN

Winter
Was harsh that year,
Ice covered all the ponds,
No birds could feed beneath the ice,
Hungry,
They died.
We thought that all was lost that year,
There wasn’t any hope………
A kingfisher
Appeared.

This bird
Survived despite
There being no fish to eat,
We wondered how it clung to life,
And sang.
And then
We saw it eating bread, it learnt
A new way of eating,
Hope lived again
That day

THE FLEA THT GOT INTO A FIGHT

A flea that got into a fight
Ended up a most horrible sight
He hid right away
For a year and a day
Then he died on his own in the night

THE FLEA THAT LIKED GIN

There once was a flea that liked gin
His face always had a broad grin
Cos he drank it each day
He was ever so gay
And he married a nice flea called Lynne

I KNOW WHAT I KNOW

I know what I know
Or at least I think I do
Am I really sure?