Two things have come together recently that have brought me to a decision. The first thing was coming across an old white thin muslim blouse – well, I say old, but it dates from 2012. The summer thereof! It still had a spot of blood on the sleeve from the only day I ever wore it. That day was at the end of June 2012 – the day the Olympic Torch came to my hometown. It was a hot summer’s day, and my skin had broken out in tiny spots all over my body. Spots that, if touched even only gently, bled profusely. Just the brushing of fine cotton on them would set them off. I had only bought the blouse that morning because I knew that I wanted to watch the Olympic Torch being brought into our town, and I had to have my skin covered. At the time, I dud wonder whether white was a good idea because it was highly likely that, however careful I was, my skin would start to bleed. Indeed, each morning when I woke up, my pillow would be covered in blood from the many little spots around my neck and hairline. At that time, we thought it to be some kind of allergy or insect bites. We had fumigated the house throughly just in case. Of what, we did not know. But just in case anyway. We had only just moved into the house, and so in our minds, anything could have been the case.

It was a beautiful day, and the crowds were all in good spirits, but I must admit, I did think more than twice about whether it was a good idea to go and stand for a long time in the middle of a huge crowd at the side of the road, in the heat. I had been feeling very tired of late, and sometimes quite faint, but I had put it down to the extreme stress of the move we had just undergone, and all the heavy lifting that I had had to do, since my husband was now in a wheelchair. I was caring for him 24/7 as well as trying to unpack and get the house in order. A bad removal firm had not helped much either, but that is yet another story. However, it was going to be a once in a lifetime experience, and I was not going to miss it. So, I donned the brand new blouse, and joined the throng.

As I had expected, my skin did erupt but, strangely, only one spot in one place. But that spot is still there and when I came across the blouse the other day, memories came flooding back. The bleeding spots turned out to be a blood cancer – Lymphoma. It was not diagnosed until the June of 2013, by which stage it was very advanced. In fact I was at death’s door and, in the words of my haematologist, my fate was “in the lap of the Gods.” At one point, he was squeezing my husband on the shoulder, and wishing him “Good luck.” Upon finding the blouse, and my memories being re-ignited, I had the most powerful urge to write my story. I had considered doing thus before, but the yrge was never so powerful.

Then, today, I had a discussion with somebody here in WordPress resulting from a question that had been asked of somebody, abd the result was that I KNEW I must write my story. BUT with no holds barred. It is NOT a pretty story, but I AM still here to tell it. As most of you know, the cancer and the chemotherapy left me wheelchair bound, and blind, with no feeling in my hands and feet, and with fibrosis if the lung, which makes breathing difficult at times. I often suffer from low oxygen levels, and often I have to lie on the bed for much of the day. But, despite it not being a pretty story, there are nuggets of pure gold within it. I have been tried and tested beyond measure, but somehow or other I have managed to come through, and my sense of fun and humour is still intact. In fact, I am still a child at heart. Hence the silly flea limericks that I like to write! And so, I want to tell my story. Both for myself, and for others.

I intend to post it on my Blog. But just in case there are people who wish to avoid it, for whatever reason, I will mark clearly what it is.

I am hoping that my story will be inspirational as much as anything. So please, if you feel able, join me in this journey. And let us together find the gold amongst the dross.

Prepare for Blast Off!

58 thoughts on “MY STORY

  1. Dear Lorraine,
    I never knew about your life story. I came to know about the struggles you are facing only from the last post. You are an incredible soul. My eyes are welling up with tears. I’m so glad I stumbled across your blog. Sending you all the love I could give and more..

    Liked by 4 people

  2. blindzanygirl

    Thankyou so much Rainyshadows. And thankyou for the live. I so appreciate that. I hope you will keep coming and reading. And if I ever get boring just tell me lol

    Liked by 1 person

  3. blindzanygirl

    Thankyou very much. Glad to know that it might be read a bit in here. Was looking forward to some constructive criticism, but we will see. Many thanks to you


  4. Share what your heart wishes to share, that is the best medicine of all and it will no doubt help and inspire others!!… 🙂

    “At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, but they will remember how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou

    Liked by 3 people

  5. blindzanygirl

    I would want to help people feel less fear, because that us a problem for many. I remember the staff nurse on the chemo ward saying, “Everyone is frightened who comes in here, but everyone is brave.” I did not feel a but brave, but that is okay. Just doing it is brave. And also I would want people to know that they CAN do what feels impossible to them. That nothing in life is insurmountable. And as for how we make people feel, I want to make people feel they are loved, and of worth, becayse so many struggle with that.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You are a courageous young lady and you are making a difference and helping others.. don’t ever think otherwise… 🙂

    “The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt. – Frederick Buechner

    Liked by 2 people

  7. You are always welcome… I suppose we all need to be a scaredy cat from time to time… 🙂
    Going to go now, you have a wonderful weekend filled with happiness… chat another time… 🙂 bye for now…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hugs to you dear Lorraine.. you are a strong blessed angel *praying palms* *heavenly light* May god’s presence be always with you and ur husband. Lots of love to both of you.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I look forward to reading about your story. And I happen to think the sharing of such information (ugly or harsh) benefits other people. I have become connected to a whole network of folks who suffer from various ills of one sort or another, although yours is perhaps the most severe one I’ve read about. I suffer from degenerative bone disease, glaucoma (which is still manageable thank God) chronic depression, mental health problems, and rosacea. I find it difficult to walk some days, but am thankful to be able to do so still. There may well come a time when I’m in your situation, without the cancer. It’s amazing you survived it, with the severity, but perhaps God does have work for you to do still. And perhaps that’s sharing your story with the world. Thanks and peace and blessings on you!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. blindzanygirl

    Oh Melanie. Your words are very moving. Mi do hope that you don’t end up in my state. You have enough to cope with already. I am very touched that you feel I should share my story. In fact, I have shared a lit more of it now, in different posts, so you woukd have to scroll down and look for them. They always start wit thevwirds MY CANCER STORY. There are somenothernposts about how I am now. The tab for some reason did not work properly, so instead ofnusing it I just posted my story in bits as and when I wanted to. It is nowhere near finushed yet though, as I only pist in shortish bits so as not to overwhelm people.

    It has been lovely to meet you Melanie. I found you through Fandango.

    I hope you can remain as well as is possible, but it is so hard to be chronically ill, and it can be so depressing. I am sending lots and lots of love to you Nelanie. Stay strong. Xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  11. blindzanygirl

    Bless you Ruth. The tab we created for my cancer story did not work, so now it is pisted in my ordinary blog, and is headed MY CANCER STORY. If you just scroll down my blog you will find those posts. There are about two or three I think. It is not finished yet. I do it as I feel it. It is not in chronological order. God bless you xxxx


  12. blindzanygirl

    Oh dear, I am so sorry that you too are beginning anjourney you don’t want to go on. Please know that I will pray for you too. And I am always here. I will be here for you if ever you want to just share. May your journey be as comfortable as it can be, and may you be given the strength that you need for that journey. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Amir

    You talk about story of your life here and I want to read that. But all I find is your poetry. Have you narrated your story via poetic words or is it somewhere else? Pls. guide me. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. blindzanygirl

    Hi Amir. I did write some of my story in my Blog because for some reason I could not get it to post in My Story. If you scroll quite a bit you will find two or theee pieces on it, if you can’t find them I will find them and post the links for you but I am in the car at the moment going home and then it is bed time. But tomorrow I will look for you if you really want to read it. I did not finish it because some people did not like reading about the suffering involved so I never got to the better bits. If you are interested in knowing more however I will write it for you. Just let me know if this is ok. Thankyou for reading it.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. God! You’ve had a rough time, I had no idea, its so hard to find the time to read everyones posts who I follow, but you sound like a Super strong zany woman! I’ll read more of your stuff periodically when I have a little time, your story puts a lots of things into perspective I must say. We should all “shut up moaning”, as my sister might say!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. blindzanygirl

    Thanks so much. I know what you mean about keeping up with everybody. I struggle too lol. Thanks for the compliment. We keep going! I love your blog by the way. I like its honesty.

    Liked by 1 person

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