BLINDNESS – The Reality. Help me be Part of the Human Race

I am living on the edge of light. I am neither in the dark nor the light. It is a kind of greyness and something that is very confusing. In a strange way I find myself straining to see the light thinking that if I strain hard enough I might actually see something. However it does not work that way. I feel all the time as if I am living in a cloud of thick smoke, or a pea soup fog. It is very difficult for other people to understand just what it feels like to me being in a room full of people. I do not know what is going on most of the time and I feel cut off from other people, and even though they are talking I do not know who they are talking to and even if they are talking to me I do not know that they are because most people do not say my name and make it known that they are talking to me. The fog seems to worsen the more I attempt to hear people and to know what they are saying. Mostly when I go somewhere I am so cut-off that I am actually totally alone. I often find this very distressing and it seems to me that I am doomed to live in a world all on my own. More and more I am turned in on myself, not through choice, but because there is very little understanding of blindness. There are also very few openings where I can explain just what is happening to me and what others can do to help. I am finding myself becoming more and more depressed the more cut off I become.

I am naturally a very friendly, confident and outgoing person who loves life and who loves giving to others. But I am no longer myself and I am struggling to know just who I am now. When I think of my future I become very distressed and wonder where it is all going to end. All that I want is to be part of the human race again. I would love people to talk to me about my life because most of the things that people talk about are things that I can no longer do. I have never been so lonely in my life and I cannot envisage continuing this way until the end of my days. Sometimes I want to scream out, “Please please talk to me.”

When the nights draw in and we are closed in in our houses , my loneliness seems even greater, and the hours and minutes longer as there is so little that I can do. Many are the times that I give way to tears. Many of the times that I do not know how to go on. I lie on my bed feeling that my Life is over. Even writing my poetry is so difficult and I fear it becoming impossible. It is not often that I talk about my life as it really is, and there is much more that I could say, but I will leave it here for now.

I would make a plea that if you know anybody who is blind you will go to them, touch them gently, tell them your name, and ask theirs. For me there is the added difficulty of being in a wheelchair and in order to be heard it is necessary for people to bend down so that they are near to my face as they speak to me. Most people tower above me and do not come down to my level and I find this very disconcerting. So, if you do happen to know anybody who is either blind or in a wheelchair or perhaps both you would adjust how you speak to them and how you relate to them. I would ask that you help them to be part of the human race again.

P.S. i have to say that this is the only place, here in WordPress, that I feel human. You DO all talk to me. You are all so kind. And I thank you very much indeed for making me part of the human race again. You are all my salvation. Thankyou xx

20 thoughts on “BLINDNESS – The Reality. Help me be Part of the Human Race

  1. My great aunt was blind, and to let her know I was talking to her, after saying her name, I’d take her hand.
    I can’t imagine what it must be like for you Lorraine, to hear what’s going on around you, but have no concept of where, how near or far, or who.
    I find it amazing you do as much as you do, and that technology is helping you with your words/typing etc.
    When Hubby put me in a wheelchair rather than struggle on sticks round a supermrket, it hit me BIG TIME just what a disadavnatge wheelchair users are at.
    Always at the end of an email for you. ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. blindzanygirl

    Bless you SO MUCH Di. Thankyou. I decided this morning to start posting a few things like this, interspersed maybe with poems. I am hoping the fog will lift enough here to go out this afternoon. It cleared once and we had bright sunshine, then it came back again. If I sing, maybe it will frighten it away lol. I bet your aunt really aplreciated that Di. Bless you xx

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  3. Lorraine, this was a lesson I learned long ago. Fortunately I had someone point these things out to me. Often I am in situations with persons who cannot see, or who are in wheelchairs. I was told long ago how ‘we’ often overlook people to ‘see’ the standing person, or the person without the disability. Thank you for sharing because it does help.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have a nephew who has a degenerative eye disease. He does not have the pain of cancer to accompany his blindness as do you. He’s an amazing kid who has his own foundation in which he gives speeches to schools and talks individually to others who are sight-impaired. He’s amazingly joyful and inspirational. I see that in you also Lorraine, in your writing. I read the pain in your poetry and also I read the amazing love you have for God and the inspiring appreciation you have for all He has given to you. Keep the faith. In all things we give glory to God and you are an incredible example of that. Thank you. I pray for your peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. ellem63

    Thank you for sharing this, Lorraine. It helps people like me, who cannot possibly imagine what your situation is truly like, to try to understand and be more thoughtful. x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. blindzanygirl

    You are welcome Colleen. In my case this was exacerbated by insults and “jokes” at my expense. Like I was threatened to be beaten by sticks if I did not get through a door quick enough. I became very distressed at one time

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  7. blindzanygirl

    Bless you Lesley. Thankyou so much. As always, when I
    Ost about such things, I wonder if I should have done. So thankyou for your kind words. Much much love to you ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oops hit send.
    I dont know what it’s like to be blind but what you said sounds the same as for me, a deaf person with cochlear implants. My implants arent perfect so I still have severe hearing loss. Especially in numbers. I get easily confused. I’ll just say I’ve never been so lonely and scared in this world. I think we feel each other’s pain. I’m sorry. I wish we knew each other in person so we could talk. I’m sure we could communicate well. It only takes a little change. If everyone were just willing to learn that change, we could all communicate.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. blindzanygirl

    Oh Wendy I so feel for you. I was actually thinking about deaf people too, as I was making this post. We can at least hear, as blind people, although not always very well because until you are blind you don’t realise how much you rely upon people’s lip movements to tell what they are saying. You can see people’s lip movements but without the sound you do not know when they are speaking or if you do know you may not know who they are speaking to. I can totally understand yoyr cinfusion and fear Wendy. Yes, it would be lovely if we could meet in person. But if you ever want to chat about these things, or about anything at all, please feel free to email me. Or chat with me like this, on a posting. My email address is. Lorrainelewis48@icloud.com
    That is not the Contact one on my Blog but that one tends to get so many emails that I don’tb notice ordinary people emailing me. Only if you want to though. I really feel for you We dy ❤️❤️❤️

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  10. You are so sweet Lorraine. I have your email now. You can erase it from this comment if you’d like, just in case.
    I’ll write soon.. hubby is sick right now, I’ll write as soon as he goes back to work. 😉 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  11. blindzanygirl

    Thankyou so very much Tim. You are very kind. Thankyou so much for your orayers. They are returned, and for your nephew. What amazing work. I appreciate your comment so much 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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