Something bad has happened to me today and it will make it even harder for me to write and to communicate with people. Typing has become impossible now, and I will always have to use my Dictation software.

I am in a great deal of pain and using my iPad has become even more difficult and I can only use it for a short period of time. This means that I will not be responding so easily and quickly as I have been doing. I am able to write my poems and my little bits of prose okay and I am learning how to post them without seeing what I am doing but it is very very hard to learn. I am not doing too well at the moment and also the dictation software does not always work correctly and it hears words wrong way and sometimes what is written does not make sense. I have yet to discover how to rectify this problem. However as typing has become virtually impossible for me it is what I am going to have to use. I know that other blind people possibly use this and for them it may work correctly but I don’t know.

It has been a bad day today as more things have happened to me physically and I have been in a great deal of distress. At this moment I feel very black as even more of my life has disappeared from me. I will still be writing my poems however and I can assure you that though I may sometimes express the blackness and the pain there will be many that are more cheerful and more palatable to my readers. I do hope that you will be able to bear with me and still continue to read my poems and the things that I write. I have been very grateful to you my readers over the months because you have all been very kind to me. I know that most of you will stay with me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.


Walls close in on me
No way out
Screams rising
“Where’s it all gone?
Where’s it all gone?”
Deep guttural sobs
That can do no good
Escape from my mouth
But there Is no escape for me
It’s gone
Nothing can get it back
Nothing assuage
It’s gone
My life
Another bit stripped away
Fear chokes me









FOWC with Fandango — Wagon

They used to be a lot bigfer than they are now.  Like everything else, they have shrunk.  WAGON wheels!

Do you remember those huge circles of biscuit covered in chocolate, with something else in the middle – was it marshmallow?  So big you could hardly get through them.  I thought they’d stopped making them because even when I had one in my hand I didn’t realise it was one!

It’s like everything isn’t it!  SHRUNK!  Except for me, that is!  I’ve just grown larger – probably from eating too many wagon wheels that I did not know WERE wagon wheels.

Does anyone else remember them?

Why I’m boycotting the Cancer Survivor title


noun: survivor; ‘a person who survives, especially a person remaining alive after an event in which others have died’

Yup, that’s me. So why am I boycotting the ‘cancer survivor’ title?

It comes down to two problems.

1 – It insinuates that other people weren’t strong enough to survive, as if it was a choice or a sign of weakness. We all know this isn’t true, but I feel like the continued use of this title can unintentionally offend bereaved individuals.

2 – It suggests the battle is over. You are a cancer survivor now, so it’s time to live everyday like it’s your last and become an even better, brighter version of yourself. Stress.

I want to expand on the latter problem. This affects me everyday. It affects my decisions, my self-esteem, and my mood. And it has for over a decade. When my treatment ended, there was…

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