RDP SATURDAY – Autumn

 

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For a few years now I have dreaded the coming of autumn. A black depression would come over me, and I would find it hard to shake off the fear that engulfed me. The dwindling of the light and the growing darkness seemed to suffocate me. It felt a but like the end if the world to me. Cut off from society for long hours in this terrible darkness. And the memory – yes, the memory – of chemo.

I started chemo in the month if September. That autumn was dead to me. I would be taken from the house, where I was bedfast, early in the morning, and not return home until after it was dark. The darkness stifled me. Each day was gruelling. I just wanted this time to be over, and to be able to welcome the Spring, when my chemo would be over.

Now, six years later, I have learned to love the autumn again, and to re-live happier autumn days, and now once again I see colour. Glorious colour (though only in my mind’s eye, for the chemo left me blind) and hear the crunching of the leaves beneath my feet (though I can no longer walk either so this just takes place in my mind). Those dark days have now left me, and I feel a thrill, just as I used to before cancer, at the onset of autumn.