BAD DAY TODAY

Today has been a bad day physically speaking. I am not sure what is happening or where it is going, though of course I may find out next week from my doctor.

I have always known that my particular afflictions were progressive, and that were potentially fatal. Indeed they will be fatal if something else doesn’t get me first! Lol. But I have ended up really worried and very weepy today because I literally have not had the strength to get to the bathroom. It is well known that the extreme fatigue associated with my cancer goes on for years, and can increase with the peripheral polyneuropathy, and today, upon trying to move out of bed, my breathing became bad, and my oxygen levels went very low. I then started to tremble and shake, and I must admit I did become very distressed. I know it is not Covid 19 as I have had these episodes before, and every day my breathing goes when I go to the bathroom in a morning. But today it was worse than normal.

So it has been a bad and quite frightening day, and part of me wondered if it was the cancer back, since it felt a bit like that. So next week may well tell me a lot.

I am not being melodramatic when I say that my body could be reaching its natural end. I always knew this was on the cards. But in a way facing that is quite hard.

So we will see what happens. I am in bed right now and will remain there until things improve.