As some of you know, I have not been quite as present on my blog as I used to be as I am busy writing a book. Having written a few chapters, I now would like to post the Preface, which I wrote this morning, so here it is:
They say that cancer changes you, and that is a very true statement, as I was to discover in the Spring of 2013. On a beautiful Spring day full of light, darkness fell on my life. I had known many darknesses before in my life, but this was to be the deepest and most abiding one that I had ever known. On that day I was told that I had a very serious and advanced cancer. When the haematologist told me, I asked if I would die, and he replied that he did not know. His demeanour and his words and actions following that, however, indicated that he thought that I would. Later, I was to discover that I was thought to be about three weeks from death. I had massive tumours all over my body, some of them in critical places. My cancer was treated, and I did not die, but I was left blind, wheelchair bound for most of the time, and with no feeling in my hands and feet. The darkness that descended upon my life that day became an actual physical darkness, and now, I struggle to do anything at all, yet prior to having cancer, I was an active 63 year old, who loved life and celebrated it in every way possible. Now, I am, though in remission, in constant pain. Wheelchair bound for most of the time, and totally dependent upon others for my existence.
Yes, in my case it is certainly true that cancer changes you. From that very first day when I was told that I had cancer, I had to try and find a way through the darkness that descended. I would say that in a way, I am still doing that, as each day takes its toll on me and drains me of my energies.
No one knows exactly what the future is for me, but this is my account of the journey so fat. I felt the need to tell my story, and so that is what I am unashamedly doing. I intend to be as candid and honest as possible. Here, you will find no slushy sentimental account, but just the plain truth. It probably is not a book to be actually enjoyed, but I hope that it at least makes those who are going through similar things feel less alone. Somehow or other, we will all get through this together.