We have spent the past two weeks battling for my husband and myself to get the help we need. We are both exhausted with fighting as the powers that be seem to think that my husband is well enough to look after me. However this is not true and we don’t seem able to get across to them our very real needs. Sometimes we reach the point of absolute exhaustion and despair. I have, as you will see, attempted to keep going and also to keep writing my book. I have no doubt that in some way we will manage to rise above this, but it is extremely hard right now. We feel quite desolate. It seems that you have to fit into a certain mould and all that happened when we were assessed was that they filled in tick boxes. They then made decisions without ever having seen us as it was done over the phone.
I try to make my poems have an upturn even if they are sad but I am not sure at this moment that I will be able to keep doing that. I do not want to write miserable stuff but I do feel quite miserable right now. We are seeking a way through and I guess we will find it eventually, but if my poetry appears sad, this is why. Perhaps if I try to live in my memories it will help. But at the moment living in the future is impossible and even the present moment has its desperation. Part of the problem is my sudden going completely blind and receiving no help in how to live as a blind person. I find it very frightening and I know that there are a lot of people who are blind who live a full and fruitful life but it has happened to me late in life and I need teaching how to be blind. We have sought this kind of. Help but cannot find it. I guess it is because I am what is often called a golden oldie. If I was younger I have no doubt that they would help me. Inside myself I am still very very alive. My spirit is raring to go but I am hampered by both the pain in my body and my blindness. Please forgive if my poetry should appear very sad and despairing at the moment. Please bear with me