My Diary Entry for today is not very uplifting!
Sometimes you feel as if everything and everyone is against you. This is how it was for me on Wednesday.

Things had been leading up to this for some time, but I never knew they could get as bad as they did.

My mother’s estate has just been sorted out. It went to Probate as she did not make a Will. Well, that was not eactly true, as she did make ine but did not sign it. So ut was null and void.

Everything became extremely complicated! My mother, in that unsigned Will, that she made up with a solicitor, left her house plus all monies except a little bit, to my sister. My sister knew this.

However, the Law said that everything should go three ways as I have a brother too.

It all got sorted, and my brother gave his share to my siter underva Deed of Variation that we all had to sign. I still got my share, as the Law dictated.

The problem has been that my sister is livid. She rings us up constantly, spewing venim out at us for taking what she saw as her money. She kept going on rabidly about my mother’s wishes and that I should not have got any money.

It went on and on and it was awful, with her ringing our mobiles at 7 in the morning. We had to put up with a tirade each time.

We have now blocked her number, but it has been a terrible time. Such terrible accusations made against us.

I never wanted the money anyway, as my mother was horribly abusive and I wanted nothing to do with the money.

It has just been a horrible few weeks, culminating in this. I have been out of sorts for a while n ow, and my blog has suffered. I hope we can get. A. Bit back to normal now, now that we have blocked her.


One day I will climb a big hill again,”
So said I to my friend in deep longing
As I spoke I did not know where or when
One day there will be a new beginning
Memories sharpen the pain that I feel
I did not expect to be cut down young
The plans I had made i cannot reveal
Nor the facile assumptions oh so wrong
Now the hill I climb is deep in my heart
Struggling to do just the tiniest things
Pushing the light and the darkness apart
Trying so hard to believe I have wings
I fall into the void that’s left behind
My life taken up with the daily grind


It was 4.30. In the afternoon when Kat was born. She hadn’t been wanted in the first place, but now, she had committed the cardinal sin of arriving on the scent just as Lillian was shopping in her favourite store. It was a Monday, and though heavily pregnant, Lillian had been unable to resist the call of the shops having had one full day, a Sunday, without them. Indeed, that was Lillian’s life – scanning the shops for any bargain that was to be had. When a certain percentage was announced as being knocked off all items in store, Lillian was the first to be there. Always, she returned home with goods that she did not really want or need, but her thirst for a bargain had been satisfied. That was how it always was, right the way through her long life. Ninety three years to be exact. But Lillian could never forgive Kat for arriving just when her favourite store had cut fifty percent off everything. Kat had to carry that burden throughout her life. At least, that was what she had thought the burden was for some time, but it transpired that the real burden that she had to carry was being born at all.

When Kat found out about this she began to understand a lot of things that had happened to her in her childhood. Well, kind of. She could never understand the depth of the cruelty that Lillian had meted out to her.

Kat had watched other kids, and seen how their lives were different to hers. They were allowed to play out. They went on family outings. They had birthday parties. But most of all, their mothers hugged and loved them. Oh yes, they told them off every now and then, and sometimes they were grounded for a while, but there was nothing as sinister as Kat had to endure. Kat remembered the day she was held over a fast flowing river, with a stone wall between her and Lillian, who was dangling her with just her hands over the river. Lillian forced Kat to look at the foam below and told her she would soon be in it and that she would die in the water. As Kat heard these words, she felt herself starting to slip from Lillian’s grasp. Terror struck her, but Lilian pulled her back just in time. Kat was shaken, but Lillian then took her to the grass on the bank of the river, and said,

“It’s nice here. Look at this nice grass.” Kat was unable to think that anything was nice at that moment, and knew that she could never feel safe again with Lillian. Kat was three years old.

FOWC. Vacant


Beryl bustled into the room expecting to see him awake and sitting up in bed. She’d rushed to the hospital late that morning, and gone to the restaurant for some lunch before going to see him. Ten dats he’d been there, following a stroke. It had seemed minor enough, but his speech had been taken. Still he had been expected to recover and they had been talking about rehabilitation.

She was shocked by what she found. He was lying there completely still, his eyes open, but not breathing. The nurse was taking his pulse. Motioning Beryl to take his hand, she counted. Then,

“He’s gone,” she said.

Beryl hardly knew what to do with herself. Having moved to the foot of the bed she looked down at him saying,

“I had three children by him.”

The nurse moved out of the room for a few moments, then came back.

“Come along Mrs. hill,” she said. “We’ve got some papers to sign.”

Beryl walked along the corridor with the nurse looking VACANT.