#FOWC. Berserk


One day the little doodleberries were all resting under the tree after having had a happy time playing with the rabbits. They had just about got over their trauma of losing one of their friends but they knew they would never forget him. It was the first time that they had ever known sadness. An owl had come and perched on a tree near to them one day and told them that sometimes there is sadness, but that it would pass in time, though they would never forget their friend. He was a wise old owl.

Suddenly, as the little doodleberries rested under the tree there was such a noise came from the sky. They looked up trembling. There, in the sky, not too far above their heads was another loud machine that looked as if it was going to come down on them. All the doodleberries started to go BERSERK, fearing what was going to become of them, and suddenly they wished they were rabbits and could go and live under the ground. But the machine then disappeared, rising higher into the sky. The doodleberries were very shaken up, and they began to realise that the world was quite a fearful place and they wondered what they could do to protect themselves. At that point the wise old owl appeared and told them not to be fearful, but just to go on enjoying being doodleberries and playing with the rabbits because there were things called men inside those flying machines, and they would not want to come crashing to the ground. He told them not to be frightened of loud noises, because that was all they were, and soon it would be night time and all would be peaceful again, and that tomorrow would be another day when they could play happily with the rabbits.


I didn’t have any hair that day. It was a good job really. It saved me ‘usband from being done for going too slow! Well, that and the blow job. You know, that thing that you blow into to prove you’re not drunk. Or are, as the case may be.

But he wasn’t you see. It was just after Christmas. You know, that time when the Virgin Mary puts in an appearance. They stopped us on the High Street. The police that is.

“Would you mind getting out of your car please Sir?”

“I can’t. I can’t walk.”

Well that was a good one to BEGIN with. A dead giveaway as far as the police were concerned.

“You was going slow on that road through Laughton Common. We’ve been following you.”

Well since when was it a crime to go too slow?

“Have you seen THAT? me ‘usband said, pointing to his Disabled badge.

“And look at me ‘ead,” I chimed in. “It’s got no ‘air on it.”

The policeman peered into the car and looked at me ‘ead.

“Yer right there ,” he said.

“Chemo,” I said. “Just finished chemo. Makes you hairless. Can’t stand going fast. Not much on the road anyway. What you bothered about?”

The policeman softened a bit.

“O.K. Sir. But would you mind please blowing into this bag?”

Well, the indignity of it! He didn’t have much choice though. The policeman was already seeing red.

“A bit previous,” I thought.

Well it didn’t do ANYTHING. Not green, not red, not yellow. NADA! NOTHING!

“Well Sir, you’re not drunk,” he said. But would you mind going a bit faster in future?

“It’s the chemo,” I said. “Makes you feel a bit sick.” My face went a bit green, unlike the bag, that didn’t do anything at all.

The policeman backed away a bit.

“Are you alright Madam?” He said.

“I will be soon,” I said.

He waited a moment, for me to regain my composure.

“So where are you on your way to?” he asked.

“Oh only the other side of Gainsborough,” I said. “We’re on our way to have a chat with the Virgin Mary.”