As a writer

As a writer, I often write stories about women who suffered from violence in their homes. The usual question is “Why didn’t she leave?”

In our country the option to leave was not there until the 1970s. Even then, it was difficult. It was not a subject much known about or publicised.

There are many reasons why women did not leave, and sadly, in today’s society there exists a “blaming the victim” syndrome which saddens me. I have, in the course of my work and research, (it was my doctoral research subject) met many women who simply had no relatives or friends, no job, and were unable to leave.

One of the most misunderstood things is why women don’t just leave, and, as a former worker in this field, I want to say that the reasons are many and complex.

My own mother had me as a baby, abd my father was violent. She wanted to leave him. I was born in 1948 and in those days you were seen as the lowest of the low if you left your husband. It was a shameful thing to do, whatever the reason.

My mother went to her doctor for help, and he knew her history, he desperately wanted to help yet could not. There were no places for a woman with a young child to go. My father continued to be violent, with horrific results.

Today, there are opportunities for women to leave. But psychologically it is impossible for some of them.

I will just add that Women’s Aid was not foubded until 1974.

10 thoughts on “As a writer

  1. It hasn’t changed that much, to be honest. There are few refuges, and getting a place in one can be very difficult, particularly in rural areas. When my step-daughter suffered domestic violence in late 2014, she had to come and live with us (with her one-year old) for almost fifteen months before they found her a housing trust property to move to.
    Best wishes, Pete. x

    Liked by 2 people

  2. blindzanygirl

    Thank you for sharing that experience Pete. And yes sadly it is all too common. There definitely are not enough refuges and the situation is dire and has become also through the pandemic. Thank you for sharing that with us. Xx

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It’s especially psychologically difficult to leave when a partner keeps you isolated and controlled, physically, emotionally, and financially. These issues become worse when you have a disability like blindness, and so you can’t just hop in the car and leave. :-()

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I guess I have a much more parochial view. I was raised with the attitude that I had the choice to stay or leave. My father made sure to tell me and my sisters that if we were ever struck in anger or physically assaulted we had a safe refuge. I realize that society has failed many women but for me I was always empowered with the choice. I hope that more women are being reared in homes that encourage personal choice – society be damned.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. blindzanygirl

    Hi Val. It is so good that you had that background and support. Upi like to hear that. As you can tell from variius commebts, it is not the case for all women. It is sad, in fact, more than sad, but that is how it is. It is actually also an woidemic now. So manyxwomen (and men for that mattwr) suffering from this. I fear my comment has not come out clearly. I can no longer see what I am doing, abd my dictation is not working very well, so I hope what I an saying is clear.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. blindzanygirl

    Thankyou so much Crystal. That is so very true. I think there is so much misunderstanding about this subject, but you have got it in one. Thankyou ❤️❤️❤️

    Like

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