I used to be OK with going blind
Was that real?
Or was it because of the pressure
To see things as others wanted me to?
Or was it maybe that I had no choice?
Only the choice to be OK with it
Or to let the pain overtake me
What was the reality?
Was it a game?
How can you make a game of going blind?
Even as a child I learned
To show no emotion
To bear the utmost pain
Without a murmur
It became a habit
A habit I could not break
Crying was not allowed
Violence was normalised
And so, the violence of blindness
Could not be allowed to find acknowledgement
It was OK to go blind
But now I am lost
I was good at seeing with the eyes of the heart
I was good at making the best of it
I was good at smiling when all was not well
I was a good girl
I gave people what they wanted
While inside my heart was breaking
And fear ran riot
Confusion filled my soul
I wanted to do it well you know
To succeed at being blind
Failure was not even on the menu
I could not be seen to stumble
And fall
And now
This taut ball of humanity
Is breaking
I am not brave
This taut ball of humanity
Wants to scream and scream
And cry out
And I know
That even as I scream and cry
The very stones will cry out with me
For all the Universe is groaning
As if in the pangs of childbirth
But oh, what a birthing this is
If indeed it is a birth
And not a death
And as I give birth
To this thing called blindness
That has lain fallow for so long
Will it kill me?
Is it too big for me?
You wave at me and smile
As you watch this birthing
And call me proud
As I do not wave back
And I know that in your eyes
I must go to Confession
For failing to deliver
Because I was too busy
Delivering blindness
And so you beat me with the stick of blame
As the baby was being born
I had held it within me for so long
But now, it is here,
Born upon this earth,
And I cry
“Lord, I am blind.”


  1. wjwingrove97

    I like this…my eyes are getting worse, but I don’t expect to be blind. My grandfather was legally blind for the last 15 years of his life, but he never let on how much it bothered him. I wish he had…good work

    Liked by 1 person

  2. blindzanygirl

    Thankkyou so much. I am in a wheelchair too and in constant bad pain and whereas most blind people have feeling in their hands to feel for things and to feel their way around, I have no feeling to do that with. All this was caused by my cancer drugs. You expect if chemo works you will be pretty ok but for me the chemo did untold damage. But we have to cope don’t we and mostl I do not speak my feelings out but it is hard not to now. My hysband is in a wheelchair too. Life is so hard.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. blindzanygirl

    You know where to come if you want to chat. I am sorry about your grandfather. I know that anlot of people like to keep their feelings to themselves. I bet your grandfather was a lovely man.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. blindzanygirl

    Thankyou so much for your understanding, compsssiob and kindness. We all have something though don’t we, and however more minor someone may think their own problems, they are very real and hard to that person.


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