Helena woke up groaning, her eyelids unable to open for the matter that was sticking them down. Not that it would have made any difference if she had been able to open them, for she still would not have been able to see. She almost screamed in pain as she attempted too twist her body round so that she could get her legs into a position where she could get out of bed. She felt a blackness inside as she felt for the doorway of the bedroom through which she could get out onto the landing and thence into the bathroom, a task which was rather difficult, given that she was holding onto a walking frame at the same time. Her head was reeling. Why did she have to live another day.
Once in the bathroom, first of all she crashed into the sink, having become disorientated, and then could not find the toilet. She had not got the luxury of a white cane, with having to hang onto a walking frame with both hands. Eventually she found the toilet and lowered herself painfully onto it. As she sat there, all she could see in front of her was blackness. She could not see the sink or the bath When she eventually got to the sink, she found that her flannel had been moved from its usual place by her husband, and neither could she find the plug to put in the sink. Wobbling perilously she managed to wash, but only by hanging onto her walking frame with her right hand. After washing she made her painful way back to the bedroom. Once there she had to lie on the bed in utter exhaustion, her heart beating so fast in her breast. She was struggling to breathe and her whole body was trembling with the effort of just performing those simple tasks, but this was how it was every day and in her exhaustion she began to sob. She still had not done her teeth and would have to go back and do them when her breathing had settled down. She contemplated her life for the umpteenth time and felt there was no reason to live any more. Staring at blackness all day, being unable to walk and being at someone else’s mercy all the time was driving her slowly insane. It was not that she was old, but simply that she had been hit by a dreadful disease.