Friday was a tough day again. I felt very much that although we have a new year beginning, nothing can change for me. We will still have the same struggles, that become overwhelming at times. We know that my body will deteriorate more, which frightens me very much. On Friday morning, after making a few posts in here, things happened at home, and I ended up in a very distressed state. I fell asleep after posting in here, as I was exhausted, but I had the most terrible nightmare that I could not come round from. It was the result of something that happened to me some years ago. I began to really dread New Year’s Eve. So much fear rose in me. I felt that I could not possibly go into another year. I was literaally freaking out. In the afternoon i became worse, and did not know how to deal with it. I felt that my life did not matter any more. Temptation tortured me. What good was my life now? I do not know how I came out of that, but I did in the end, but I know that this may return until the New year is over. I will be glad to see the back of everything and get back to normal. I know that temptation will overwhelm me on new year’s Ever. I have some terrible memories of new year’s Eve. I may write about it in here. How terrible it is when bad memories come back and you have to deal with them. I pray that iI can deal with things successfully. The darkness is terrible and it will not go until we are into the new Year.


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