YOU FLINCHED

You flinched that day
When I told you
The truth you did not want to know
I wanted to destroy my woman’s body
Cut at my breasts
Until they were no more
To mutilate my body
You could not understand
Why I hated my body so much
And you were a counsellor
A rape counsellor
I told you about her too
My mother
Of how she too raped me
With instruments
How could I expect you to understand
And you wanted me to make a paper boat
And then drown it in the water
In the kitchen sink
Of the Rape Crisis Centre
As you drank pints of water
As if they were beer
Lips curled
Into a snarl as you drank
Wearing dangly earrings
That glistened in the sun
Clothes in lilac and pink
What a contradiction
Gestalt Counsellor you called yourself
Whatever that was
Special you were
But you knew nothing
And drew away
When I wanted to chop my breasts off
There are many who would understand
Who would stand with me
Knowing everything