A HORRIBLE DREAM

This morning I awoke from a horrible dream. I still cannot shake it off. I do believe it reflects the state we are in and what has happened to us in being completely alone and frankly, frightened.

I dreamed that I was in a little bed in a tiny room. At the side of me was a CD player which for some reason my husband was fiddling with.

Suddenly, someone or rather two people entered the room and sat down on two hard chairs along the wall opposite to the bed. They were close to me though, as the room was tiny. I recognised the two people as my Auntie who was called Rosemary and her daugeter my cousin Catherine. Both of them are dead now. Catherine died of a very rare cancer some years ago and Rosemary died a year or so ago. They sat there silent. They would not speak to me. I apologised that I was not able to go to my own funeral that day which was what they were meant to be doing ie going to my funeral. I told them that I was not well enough to go to my own funeral. I was so apologetic. They did not speak. I wanted them to speak and accept me and not reject me. Of course my whole family has rejected me and the grief of that is still strong in me. Then Rosemary stood up and went over to a little television in a corner of the room. She put a DVD into it and Catherine suddenly came and sat down on the floor by my bed. Catherine did not look like Catherine though. She was a little scrap of a thing all thin and pale and very sickly. She started to talk but she could not talk. She talked gobbledy gook like a baby almost. She was way gone. I looked her in the eye and I said,

“I love you Catherine.” We never ever say those words in our family and especially not to relatives that are not close family such as mother, father, brother or sister. Catherine did not respond as I do not think she could. I looked straight into her eyes and repeated it and I hugged her.

After that Rosemary returned to her seat but was distant and would not talk to me and she looked like she was going to go. I pleaded with her to stay. I wanted her to stay and accept me and talk to me. But as I was not going to be going to my own funeral because I was too ill to go, that was all she had come for so she might as well go. I woke up at that point feeling terrible. I felt as if I was not in this world and I wondered if they had visited me from the dead. I then wondered if they had come from the other world because I am going to die now. Of course my life is always in the balance and more so just this past two weeks.

I must say that this dream terrified me and I am trying to shake it off.