The edge of the world
Is invisible but calls
Silently at night
Author: blindzanygirl
THE DARKNESS CONSUMES ME
The darkness was the worst I have ever known. The contrast between the light and the dark was stark. In a way, the light called to the darkness and the darkness heeded it. The darkness was the most terrible place I had ever been. It was the end. I was in a different place to everyone else. I was not in this world and I could see the light and the dark so clearly. I needed to step off this world. I was alone. No one else could reach me. I could not speak. I was paralysed. I sat, rigid. I could not communicate. All that I could do was look at the bright light light that illuminated the dark and showed me how dark it really was. My life it was dark. There was no light in it at all. I was tired. Tired of struggling. Tired of trying to pull myself up. I had lost all strength. All I could was go into that dark place that was really light. The darkness consumed me. It was my end.
AS SHE SAT
As she
Sat she saw with
Him the desolation
Of a life that was almost gone
Decay
Sat there
And he, knowing life would end soon
Took up what now was left
And cried no tears
For him
EDGE OF THE WORLD
You took me to a place of light
But inside was darkness
I saw the edge of the world and wanted to step off
I saw the light but knew only the dark
The dark called me
I stepped off the edge of the world
LOVE STRIVES
Love strives,
Wrestles and climbs
Stairways to heaven’s door,
Is not satisfied, ever still,
Rests in
Pastures
Surrounded by hills that call you
To walk, struggle and strive
Meet obstacles
And climb
TRYSTING PLACE
Sacred hearts joining
In the cool of the evening
Secret trysting place
GIFT OF ROSES
With a gift of roses you touched my world,
One where I lived in my isolation,
Cut off by blindness, my anguish unfurled,
In a silence of sore separation,
I ached for a touch that would break my pain,
Something to bring life to my hurting soul,
Of comfort there seemed not even a grain,
But your gift broke through, and made me feel whole,
In your kindness you gave a healing touch,
Joy broke through then and shattered the silence,
You gave today what I needed so much
MY HEART REMEMBERS
Under the arbour
Where first I felt your sweet kiss
My heart remembers
ESSENCE OF ROSES
Esssence of roses
Pervades the garden of love
The willow weeping
LOVE GIVES ALL
Blood red ground
Springs eternal life
Birthed through suffering
I will not
Fly from pain
That speaks of love
Love becomes vulnerable
Seeking not self
But giving all
CALL FOR HELP
If there is anyone blind here who uses an ipad you might be able to help me. I cannot answer comments and have to wait for hubby but he does not often have time. This means that often comments do not get answered for a while. I can read them and do but cannnot reply. Help.
IN EXILE
In exile I weep
Remembering good times past
I will sing again
BY THE SWEET WATERS
By the sweet waters
Under the shade of the trees
I lay down my burdens
A TEAR RESTED IN PEACE
A tear
Rested in peace
As her soul left her rose
To meet the Love that was waiting
Anger
Melting
Away as she learned not to fear
Rested her head and slept
Eternity
Called her
CARRIED ON THE WIND
I hear the wind blow
And think of all my losses
Carried on the wind
LOVE MET HER ANGER
Her heart filled with hate
Stopped beating one cold dark night
Love met her anger
THE LIGHT ALWAYS COMES
She who walked in dark
Rests now in eternal peace
The light always comes
A STORY
The scene that was playing out before my eyes was horrific. It was a cold, dark rainy night in November and my mother was on her death bed. Her end was Imminent and my brother and sister were going at it hammer and tongs at the foot of her bed. It seemed to me that all the madness that was my family was coming out in that moment. Inside I felt sick. A revulsion filled my spirit. It was not that I was not used to this, I was. It had been the story of my life, but even death could not be sacred. I turned to the nurse who was about to give my mother her final morphine injection and said,
Look at them. Nuts.
My sister turned on me violently. I got up as hastily as I could, for I was blind and slowly left the room. I knew that I had no option, for if I had stayed, all hell would have been let loose. A knife was cutting into me as I left the room. The same knife that had been cutting into me for over seventy years. My mother had attempted to abort me and the madness had followed me right the way through my life. There had been many scenes like this one, but this one was the most unholy one of all. My body had begun to shake and tremble, just as it had so many times in the past. I needed to distance myself from it, but I wanted desperately to be there at the moment of my mothers death. For all that this woman had done to me, all that I wanted for her was peace at the end. It was not to be. I was told, later, by my brother and sister of how her death was, and it was far from peaceful. She died in the turmoil that had marked all our lives, and more particularly mine. In a way, it seemed inevitable that she would die a death like this, for she had been the instigator of so much that was bad in our family. It was now over though, but time would show that what she had put in this life lived on after her.
LIGHT UNQUENCHABLE
Light unquenchable
Shines on in the darkest place
True love enduring
YOU DUB ME A WHORE
You dub me a whore
Whilst committing evil deeds
In the cold darkness
DARKNESS LIGHTER THAN LIGHT
Darkness,
Lighter than light
Surrounds your journey here,
But do not despair for darkness
Is light,
Walk in
The darkness holding the hand of
One Who will lead you on
Until you reach
Your goal
MYSTERIOUS DARK
Mysterious dark
I sink into your cool arms
And see things anew
TREASURES OF THE DARKNESS
A few years ago I had a very strange experience with the darkness. I was virtually completely blind but could still tell light from darkness. I was having a terrible time with people not understanding that I simply could not see them if they smiled and waved at me without speaking to me. I was harangued for this and called a snob and stuck up. It happened in a church and I was treated as the sinner and told I had the sin of pride. I had already had some very bad experiences as a blind person and this cut me to the bone. Inside I shrivelled up and became like a stone. Nothing could reach me. I had died a death inside. I was newly blind and trying to learn how to function as a blind person. It was hard.
On this day I was ready to give up completely. It was almost as a zombie that I made my way to a little church right out in the countryside that was very isolated. It was a place that I had often gone to to find peace but I had no expectations on this day. I just went there almost out of habit. I went into the church on my own and sat there in the dark. It was night time and the darkness was very dark. I felt unreachable, but suddenly I had the strangest experience of the darkness putting its arms putting its arms around me like a mother and comforting me. I could not understand what was happening to me but it changed me utterly. I left that church a completely different person to the one that had entered that place. It made me go on a journey to discover the gems that the darkness holds. I entered a mystical darkness and just a physical one. Much of this is inherent in my poems. I am still travelling in the darkness and trying to discover its treasures. I have good days and bad days but I know that there are still glories to be found.
AWOL
I have beeb Absent Without Leave. Whilst my poems are still appearing I have been learning how to use a a Bluetooth external keyboard connected to my iPad. I have finally mastered it and now can type normally as if on a laptop. It has been very hard work and has been exhausting but worthwhile. This has been interspersed with periods of illness and pain. I have been responding to comments as and when I can. My husband does read them all to me. I am hoping that my typing venture is going to enable me to finish the book about my life, unfortunately health issues cause problems but I am trying to press on through it. I will still be present on my blog but still with help from hubby. Thank you for your continued support.
BIZARRE IMAGES
Dreams deluding you
Drawing you into their worlds
Bizarre images
DECEPTIONS
When this life is over as sure it soon will be
Where then will the birdsong go that joined in tune for me?
Is there then another life awaiting in the wings?
Or will the dust that’s on the ground become the thing that stings?
Can we imagine our lives gone and nothing to remain
Except the call of the mourning dove in grief for a life that wanes?
We make up talk of heaven above a place where we will go
But do we know it’s really there, that what we’re taught is so?
How many lies have we believed in our time on this earth?
Deceptions cruel that cut our hearts in pieces of no worth
How many masks have people worn when talking love to us?
How many words that were of nought creating such a buzz?
Some tell us that we will be safe no fear must then remain
Reaching out and speaking words that are their own refrain
Illusions live within these words to wrap around our soul
One day my friend your pain will go and then you will be whole
So take this Bread I offer you believe in what I say
It will go in be part of you until another day
But soon that Bread becomes as nought, broken like your life
And words remembered come to you and cut you like a knife
And so the dust will be your home the soil will be your clay
Hardened like your heart within no words now can you pray
Just leave me now to die my death alone in this hard world
Illusions gone and lies all dead deceptions all unfurled
HIDDEN FROM OUR EYES
World deep in the sea
Existing in the darkness
Hidden from our eyes
TAKE MY HAND
Take my
Hand and lie down
With me in the green grass
That grows in the heart of Paradise
Let us
Hold hands
Never again be parted though
The sun may go in dark
Fall on our path
Again
GRACING THE WATER
Herons once were here
Sacred birds gracing water
Resurrection comes
MY HEART IS SINGING
My heart is singing
The beauty of the morning
Brings me to life again
ONE DAY
One day all will end
There will be no days nor night
All will be silent
I FEAR NOT THE DARK
Alone enveloped
In the glory of the night
I fear not the dark
CAT ON A SCOOTER
A cat who was riding a scooter
Pipped rather loud on his hooter
He made himself jump
Fell off with a thump
Now he’s down at the vet’s for his supper.
THE FRIEND INSIDE
Inside
Is where you find
The friend who takes your hand
The one who leads you into light
Though eyes
Are blind
This friend is one whom you can trust
Has known you many years
Trust no one else
And live
BURN ON
Inside
A secret flame
Burns strong even when dark
It lights my path, illuminates,
I walk
In light
Not brilliant but just enough
To keep me holding on
This, my secret
Burn on
A FLEA WHO GOT INTO A FIGHT
A flea who got into a fight
Decided it just wasn’t right
He gave it his all
But started to fall
And had to be rescued by Dwight
BLOOD OF VICTIMS
The blood of victims
Fills the dying skies crying
Incoherently
CLOSER THAN YOUR OWN BREATHE
Closer
Than your own breath
Is the comfort you seek
In Love do we have our being
Though pain
Darkens
Our spirits, we reach out and touch
That which is deep within
And find that Love
Waiting
Dark nights
Of weeping leave
Us weak, our hearts open,
In our weakness we find our true strength
In love
Inside
That will never let us go, holds
Us safely in strong arms
Absorbing tears
That fall
Seeking,
You will find rest,
Deep peace beyond measure
It is not far away, but here,
Your heart
Knows it,
Go inside your heart, dear child, lay
Your head down on Love’s breast,
Cry your tears and be soothed,
Trust in this Love,
So deep
PINK SATIN KNICKERS
Pink satin knickers
Grandma’s wide bottomed leg holes
Inviting to wasps
FREEDOM
I took,
Today, freedom,
And flew high in the wind,
No more will you try to hold me,
Contain me,
Define me,
The fight was long and hard, battling
To push up the lid, let
Myself out of
The box
MINDLESS
Life used to be fast
Before I was stripped laid low
Now it is humdrum
Each day is the same
Excitement is not my lot
Sometimes my mind goes
Absent Without Leave
What is life without a mind?
I better find it
Ah, I found it here
In the middle of WordPress
Amongst my good friends
FIGHTING
Been fighting all day yesterday and today just to sort out our situation so not been on the blog much. Back properly tomorrow I hope.
A FLEA ON A BIKE
A flea once got on a bike
But decided to take a hike
When he started to cough
And the wheel fell off
And he landed up in a dyke
ABYSS
Viewing the field
Golden glow consuming
Darkness passing by
In a moment
Everything known changes
The abyss opens
Dragged in again
It is the end
Where begin now?
VALIANT SOUL
To wake to the growing light
In the shadow of yesterday’s pain
Breathing fresher air
With hope for a clear day
Is a joy unknown to those
Whose path is bright
And as the new day comes to birth
So does my soul awake
Knowing well the treasures
Of the darkened path
And the potential for the redemption
Of each piercing pain
Though this path is hard
It cannot destroy the valiant soul
And one day we will wake
To an endless day
Where pain is no more
And tears do not ceaselessly flow
Where pure peace is our reward
O march on valiant souls
Your day will come
HOPE
Inside
The dark womb Life
Awaits its birthing called
To love in a world of conflict
Breathing
Spirit
Of Love that is never conquered
Hope lives eternally
Through life’s sorrows
And pain
ETERNITY
Today
I will go to
That place of memories
Where the rowan tree guards all souls
In its
Shade you
Wait for me to join you again
The church clock chiming time
Eternity
Awaits
BEYOND THE BLUE HORIZON
I hear my name called
Beyond the blue horizon
What wonders are there
CARESSED BY THE MORNING SUN
Eyelids touched by sleep
Caressed by the morning sun
Rising in the sky
HARVEST MEMORIES
Celebration fields
Glowing in the summer sun
Harvest memories
SOWN IN THE DARKNESS
Golden days calling
The earth yields its fruit again
Sown in the darkness
GOLD
Gold lights evening sky
Taking us to the beyond
Where tears are no more
MYSTICAL BRANCHES
Returning to graves
Guarded by the rowan tree
Mystical branches
FIELDS SMILE
Fields smile warmth of sun
Caresses the fertile soil
Soon to deliver
LIVING FLAME
Living flame you wane
Dying is the light of life
Now only darkness
TOUCH ME TAKE ME
Touch me
With your wildness
The rhythm of your life
Magnetic
Exuberant
But wild
Stir me up
And dance with me
In the wild anger
The wild joy
The wild compassion
That seeks souls
Shout with me
About injustice
And innocent blood shed
Take me to the mountains
The high places
The rocks
Where wildness finds its home
Oh wildness
Touch me
Take me
HOW LONG LORD
How long Lord, how long
Will I endure this parting
Approach journey’s end
VISIONS IN MY MIND
Visions in my mind
Of a much happier time
Tears on my pillow
LIFE SLIPPING AWAY
Life slipping away
I close my eyes to the world
But never my heart
CRYING IN THE DARK
Crying in the dark
Remembering a lost world
Mourning a lost life
SLEEPING
I seem to have been sleeping for two days. I manage to wake up a short time and post a j poem or two but then I just fall right back to sleep again. I just can’t seem to wake up for very long.
HUNTED
Hunted
Through the dark lanes
She came to rest at last
In the soft rays of the moonlight
At peace
PERFECT TIME
See how
The seeds growing
Rested in the darkness
Waiting until the perfect time
Breathed them
Into
Life glorious in its beauty
Rest in the dark dear child
The perfect time
Will come
MONSTERS
Black evil monsters
Come from the depths of the earth
Roaming through the world
WHERE HEAVEN MEETS EARTH
Where heaven meets earth
In the glory of summer
Tired souls come to rest
DISTANT HILLS
Distant hills calling
Beyond the mists I see you
In the dawning light
PEACE
In peace sleeping
In peace dreaming
In peace waking
Resting in Love
Deep in the night
Cleansing our minds
Miracle of sleep
Works its magic
Healing my soul
JUST THE BEGINNING
Becoming the I
Meeting myself in the dark
Just the beginning
LOCKED IN THE DARKNESS
Locked in the darkness
Souls crying out to their god
Hearing no answer
BLACK CLOUDS ROLLING
Black clouds rolling
Over golden countryside
Occasional sun peeping
Soon rain comes
The clouds bellow
Lughtning plays games
Then the calm
Road is steaming
Birds sing again
GRIM REAPER
The bell tolls this tonight
The Grim Reaper is calling
He touches my face
A FLEA CALLED SID
There once was a flea called Sid
Who sold his house for a quid
He had nowhere to go
Until he found Flo
Stuck to a jam jar lid
ASH
I looked round today and
all I saw was ash,
The ash of my life, spent,
The flame gone out, dead dreams on the ground in rubble.
The scene was bleak, my eyes
Beheld no beauty,
All was ugly, spent now,
I stood there stripped, knowing I could not pick up ash.
Dreams disintegrated,
Hope gone for ever,
Nothing to re-ignite,
Barrenness was my empty companion today.
But suddenly I heard
A voice, saying “Sing,”
What song could I sing now,
Here in this strangest of strange lands, alien now?
The voice insisted, “Sing”
I opened my mouth,
But no sound would come out,
“ Tell me how to sing,”
“Caged birds can sing, but you don’t have a cage, just sing.”
I looked around again,
I couldn’t see ash,
I saw the makings of
A new world, building bricks,
Beauty from ashes, I opened my mouth and sang.
DARKNESS OF SLEEP
The darkness of sleep
Takes me to another place
I awake startled
A SCREAM RISES
Shivering frozen
A scream rises from my throat
But it is silent
BOUNCY FLOUNCY SKIRTS
Bouncy flouncy skirt
Walking along to Youth Club
The swinging sixties
SHATTERED
Crying
Into the night
Alone I reach my end
It always was going to be thus
I knew
Shattered
A FLEA CALLED EDDIE
There once was a flea called Eddie
Whose legs were very unsteady
He wobbled around
Then fell on the ground
And was squashed by a big flea called Freddie
FOWC
https://fivedotoh.com/2022/06/24/fowc-with-fandango-scene/
My father was a very talented man despite being a terrible rogue. He was a Script Writer and Produced his own shows. He ran a concert party called The Catherine Wheels. Even as a child I had a part in them. On one famous occasion I was a wicked gnome and I had to give the most evil cackle that I could muster up. I tell you, it did end up as formidably evil.
There was always a wonderful SCENE at the end when the whole Cast came on stage and sat around singing wonderful songs and my father would do a solo and I would do one too. We had the most beautiful costumes on and it was done under florescent lighting which was spectacular.
GLEAMING COTTAGES
Gleaming cottages
Alluring in summer sun
Smile in sleepy streets
BLUE POPPY
Blue poppy I sink
Into your wondrous blueness
Refreshed in your strength
SILHOUETTE
Silhouette dancing
Sparks of the fire flying up
To the place of light
LIGHT AND DARK
In life
Light and dark
Shine equally, reflect
Each other, hand in hand they walk
Through paths
We tread
The darkness glistens with pure light
Take the hand of both, walk
With them, sacred
Are they
SLIVER OF LIGHT
Sliver of light paints
A picture in the night sky
Announcing sunrise
WAVES BREAK
Waves break
As the gulls shriek
In tune with the breaking
Of souls shattered into pieces
Heaven
Responds
In affirmation wailing loud
One day there will be peace
Sorrow ended
Tears gone
YAWNING DAYS
Yawning days settle
On feathered soil so gently
Rest in their beauty
SLOW DOWN
Too fast
Time flying by
The end of the road waves
I am not ready to go there
Slow down
STATE OF AFFAIRS
At this point I am not coping with blindness coupled with immobility and constant pain. Looking at blackness all day from my bed is driving me crazy. I have listened to that many audible books and have run out of decent ones. I feel like I am in a tomb. I am only able to write little bits at a time and I wanted to get my book done. I never see anybody or talk to anybody because of the virus. I think I am going stir crazy.
LONGEST DAY
Longest day now gone
Soon the light will be fading
Souls end their journeys
FRESHNESS OF THE MORNING
Freshness
Of the morning
Caresses me cools me
Gently rousing me from my dreams
Sighing
WORLDS BID ME COME
Over the bridge worlds
Bid me come to them and live
It is but a step
BLUEBERRY MUFFINS
Blueberry muffins
Singing on Blueberry Hill
In the sizzling sun
DID YOU SEE YOUR TONGUE
Did you see your tongue
In the mirror this morning
Forked like the devil’s
WORMS
Worms wriggle and creep
Eating their way into me
Wrapped up in your words
BLACK NIGHT
In the black of night
I feel your fingers touch me
My skin shrivels up
BLACK SPECTRE
Black shroud covers me
Inside a black spectre lives
Never seen but known
IF ONLY
Outside the church the tall oak stood
Centuries old this ancient wood
So much life it had seen pass by
Never asking the question why
Though much had died in life’s deep flood
Springtime saw the tree in bud
Life rising now that felt so good
Raptors dancing in the sky
Outside the church
Life’s pain is never understood
If only like the birds we could
Fly up in the sky so high
Letting out a joyful cry
Free from sorrows sinking mud
Outside the church
A FLEA CALLED JILL
There once was a flea called Jill
Who wanted to go on The Pill
They checked her all out
To a wondrous great shout
“I will, Jack, I will, I will.”
BLACK QUESTION MARK
Pondering meanings
I saw a black question mark
Confused bewildered
LIAR
Damaged
Goods you gave me
Smiling ludicrously
With your pearly white tombstone teeth
Gleaming
Plastic
Posing as white alabaster
Time of the living dead
I saw through you
Liar