SAD ANNIVERSARY

Saturday is the anniversary of my father’s being taken into hospital where he then died ten days later. This happened 23 years ago, so I have no idea why it is so much in my mind this year. The only thing that I can think of is that I am now the exact age at which he died. Is this something that is subconsciously playing on my mind? I honestly do not know, but I am feeling it keenly right now, and grieving terribly for both him and my mother. This has never happened before. I have grieved for them each separately but now, I am grieving for them as my parents. All this time later, although my mother only died in 2019.

I think it may be coming to me like this because I have no family at all and my brohter and sister have cut off from me and I am feeling this horribly. Any other family that I had has also gone, like aunts and uncles etc. My cousins have nothing to do with me and never did have. I feel so very very alone right now. I keep seeing my mother and father together in my mind’s eye. They were not a together couple and were always fighting, but the picture that keeps coming to me is of them on a crowded beach at Bridlington, standing next to each other, my father holding my mother’s white handbag for her as it was always heavu, looking straight ahead vacantly. My mother was also looking straight ahead. It was a hot day so they were in summer clothes. I just cannot get this picture out of my mind. I feel such grief for them both. My father took ten days to die and I sat by his bedside every single day. I loved both of my parents, chance what they had done and whatever they had done to me. I miss my family.