WILD PLACE

Wild place
Here I find You
The wildness of my heart
Roars in the fullness of of Your night
Emits
Deep sounds
All Creation bellows, the wind
Stirs up the lion’s roar
Bring the wild place
To me
Sent from my iPad

AND SO HERE I STAND

And so now here I stand
On the edge of light
Waiting to know my fate
Will the glorious day dawn when I’ll see once again?

Which way will It go now?
I wait in silence
Deep in the heart of God
The mystery is held, I listen for its beat

Soon it will be revealed
On that day i’ll know
In dark or light I’ll stand
But wherever I fall I’ll know light eternal

THE EDGE OF LIGHT

I sit on the edge of light before dawn
Feeling a growing prayer deep in my heart
Over the years I’ve gone through many a storm
As light dawns I know it could be the start
Of the end of the darkness holding me
Closing my eyes to the glorious light
The beauty of nature singing, free
Long and hard I have fought this dark night’s fight
But now I greet with joy this brand new day
Knowing light will flood my world, dispel dark
At the foot of Your Cross my Lord I lay
My hopes and dreams, my fate emotions stark
I wait here on the edge of light, Your will
Be done, nature joins my prayer, silent, still

BLIND BARTIMAEUS

Joy was
Born that bright day
On the wilderness road
A blind man had his sight restored
Touched by
Deep love
His darkness went,the light had come
His life changed for ever
Bartimaeus
His name

The man
Who touched him saw
The longing of his heart
Shone into him the light of life
Light of
The world
Darkness can never destroy light
Or pain last for ever
The stones cry out
For joy

HOPE DAWNS

One day
I was naked
Stripped of all that I’d known
The land was unfamiliar then
No signs
No light
To guide me through the wilderness
Then I looked up, saw stars
Hope dawned

DESERT SKY

Stars fill
The desert sky
Giving hope in darkness
Darkness can never quench the light
Though for
A time
We grieve, endure the pain, cry out
And in the darkness grow
The desert blooms
Blossoms

WAITING

Waiting for the dawn
We look up to the skies
And see the stars shine

INTO THE WILDERNESS: CANCER

cANCER DIAGNOSIS

During my lifetime I have endured many things and faced many challenges, but the most frightening and demanding challenge came when I was diagnosed with a serious blood cancer in 2013. Cancer was something that I always feared greatly, and thought I would never get through if it ever happened to me. So, it was with great shock that I heard the Haemotologist saying to me,

“Mrs. Lewis,you have cancer..

Stunned was not the word for how I felt. It had not been expected – at least, not by me. I had indeed been very ill for almost a year, had lost five stones in weight over a short period of time, had the most appalling itch and bleeding sores all over my body, suffered terrible night sweats, and could hardly breathe for the retching very deep cough that I had. But my doctor put it all down to stress- although my family never believed this.

It could be said that it was a miracle when my doctor went on holiday and a new doctor came to see me at home one day, for immediately she saw that there was something seriously wrong. She did not voice her fears to me, but sent me straight to the hospital, where eventually I was given the news.

In the room that day were my husband and my mother, and it was strange how calm everyone, including me, was.

“Will it kill me?” I asked the Haemotologist.

“I don’t know,” he replied.

I was stunned. My mother started absent- mindedly kissing my head. The nurse in her plastic apron looked down and studied the floor. I remained calm, and it was not until one of the nurses started to push me along the corridor in my wheelchair that I began to sob violently.

“We get people better in here,” she said.

Had she not heard the Haemotologist say that he did not know if it would kill me?

My husband, my mother and I went home, and my husband telephoned my brother who was on holiday, on Holy Island, and told him the terrible news. My brother told us later that the seals on Holy Island had been quiet all morning, but as he was given this awful news, they all began to wail.

Today I am in remission, having faced the biggest challenge of my life. But the cancer and the aggressive chemotherapy left me blind, wheelchair bound, unable to feel with my hands and feet, and often in pain. I am 68 years of age, and my husband too is wheelchair bound, as he is suffering from Post-Polio Syndrome.

Life continues to hold many challenges for us, but now, I can honestly say that I am glad I had cancer, for it gave me the opportunity to rise to the biggest challenge of my life, and to show myself that I could do it.

The chemotherapy was, in the words of the. ward Sister, a “leap of faith,” and that is what this site is all about – faith. At the beginning, I did not think I had much, but i now kno w that it was only faith that got me through. It was a rough ride, but here. i am now, alive, though marked by the experience. I a m learning to live as a blind person in a wheelchair , but I am happy.

I would like to share with you some of my journey, and my Reflections on it. Though I am physically in the dark, in my spirit I am in the light. The greatest light that I have ever known. I have days when I am in pain and grief, but at the same time I am also in the light.

I hope you enjoy visiting this site, and that you find some of the things in it helpful.

My first poem, in the Reflections section is about my brother receiving the news on Holy Island.

Thankyou for visiting this site.

Holy Isle

Holy Isle

The seals wailed loud on Holy Isle the day you heard the news,
All had been quiet till that moment,
A moment you could not choose.

Tears stung your eyes, you stood to lose
Your sanity in the ferment,
The seals wailed loud on Holy Isle the day you heard the news.

Wailing with them, your voices fused,
A deep, loud heartrending lament,
A moment you could not choose.

As time’s bell tolled no one could be in your shoes,
The searing pain would not relent,
The seals wailed loud on Holy Isle the day you heard the news.

You must go home, this was no ruse,
Firm now was your intent,
The seals wailed loud on Holy Isle the day you heard the news,
A moment you could not choose.

 

 

BLIND WILDERNESS

I have chosen to post this poem because my cancer and my blindness were like a hughe stone hitting me.  Ultimately I had many chouces to make in this terrible wilderness experience.  We do have chouces as to how we respind to such things, and this is what this very short poem is about

STONE

Water
That is still when
Disturbed by a stone thrown
Onto its surface, forms ripples,
Life hits
Us, like
A stone, disturbing our peace, then
We must choose the nature
Of the ripples
We make.