It is a while since I wrote here. Since I last wrote, my path has been tortuous. Many times I have fallen off it. Many times doubted. Sometimes thenknowledge that we have within us is too hard to hold onto. In the face of deep suffering, and the disteactions of other people’s very different ideas of how we should be or how we should think, we get lost. Many people have so much to say. But they are not me. Many people think they can judge my soul. But they are not in me. Hurts, pains, judgements, can all thrown off our path.
But then…..we are by some miracle, brought sharply back to it. For me, I still live in a world of darkness, and the only thing is real to me is darkness. It is permanent. I will never see light again. All that I can think of is the darkness that covered the whole land as Jesus died. At that point the veil of the Temple was rent in two. Isn’t it strange how at the times of deepest darkness we are brought closer to eternity? That eternuty shines through as the veil in our souls is rent. We have our own crucufixions, but each crucifixion brings us closer to eternity. It is, for me, the only light that shines into my dark world.
Yes, I have fallen off my path, many times, of recent weeks. But once again I come back to St. John of the Cross and the Dark Night of the Soul. And I know the truth of it. And I know also that the darkness glows. Once again, I set off on my path. My Blind Wilderness awaits me.