I WATCHED

My mother is sick.

I watched
As she whimpered
Unable to catch breath
Exhausted from trying to live
Frightened
Of death
The one who was never frightened
Now laying down power
I embraced her
Stillness

In life
No embraces
Nor gentleness of touch
Only a cold hard iron will
I longed
For touch
But now here in death I touched her
Her body limp with pain
No resistance
Met me

Whimpers
Pierced my aching
Heart so full of sweet love
For this one who only
Knew how to hurt, control me
Mother
I’m here
In this your dying hour sore pain
Fills my wounded spirit
I love you Mum
She hears

(My mother is very sick right now. This is my poem to her. There will be many more)

DRESS ME

Wheat fields
You undress me
Stripping me of falsehoods
That invaded my wounded soul,
Clothing
Me then
In the pure white of my childhood
When joys were young and blithe
Dancing and free
Flying

Adorn
My soul this day
Throw away all the chains
That kept in place the clothes of black
That seemed
So white
And now keep me safe for ever
Entwined in innocence
Like spotless lamb
Take me

FRESH FOUNTAIN

Today the fountain sprang
From deep within the earth
Singing its unique song to me
Uniting with the mountain streams of my past
Each with its own harmonies
Not confined to time or space
Singing a song forever new
Forever old
Bringing to birth a fresh song
Springing like the fountain
From the depths of my being
A song of joy that never
Did I sing before

CANCER

That day
Brutality
Exploded all around
“Cancer” – there was no gentle touch,
Stark truth,
Shocking,
The heavens cried out that dreadful day,
Seals wailed on Holy Isle,
“Will it kill me?”
“Don’t know.”

Absent
Minded she kissed
Me on my head softly,
The mother who had tried to kill
The babe
Within
She listened so intently to
The doctor as he spoke,
Straining to hear
The truth.

The babe
She wanted dead
Now fully woman, faced
Impending threatening death again,
And now
She saw
The child that caused her all her pain,
The child she never loved,
And loved her now,
“Mother!”

Within,
She found something
She’d never known before,
Love, a mother’s sore, fierce sweet love,
Swelling,
Growing,
Now, she only wanted to save
The child that she once bore,
Hold her, keep her,
Love her.

Anger
Grew within her,
Why should this child now die?
Now it was out of her control,
Her grasp,
Her clasp,
Fiercely she shouted at the child,
“Don’t give in now. Fight it’
Don’t let it kill
You child.”

Once more,
When all seemed lost,
She needed to maintain
Full power and control in life
In death,
Gripping
Hold of all that is, intently,
Fear filled her heart, she must
At all costs win
This time.

THE CHILD SAYS:

Nearer
My God to Thee
I come, for I am free,
To choose my path, live in Thy will,
Humbly,
Gladly,
I move towards that heavenly place,
My eyes behold it now,
Tears fill my eyes
Today.

No more
Can earth contain
Bedazzle or seduce,
Earth’s glory dims, all I can see
Is God,
On high.
I fly towards those heavenly plains,
Nothing can hold me now,
My heart sings out
In joy.

DUSK

The sun was dying in the sky,
Reflecting on the water,
The trees turned golden in the light,
On the banks of the river’s mouth,
Everything this night was calm,
As the water ran out to the sea.

So often I’d looked at the waves of the sea,
Thrashing in the darkening sky,
My spirit then was not calm,
I was drawn towards the water,
I sensed the salt taste in my mouth,
At the dying of the light.

But now as night comes I can see light,
Calm now is the sea,
A sweeter taste is in my mouth,
A brilliance in the sky,
I am at peace looking at the water,
Within me a mystical calm.

The way I have walked has not been calm,
Deep pain obscured the light,
For so long I floundered on the rough water,
Tossed around on the sea,
Loud thundering in the sky,
A bitter taste in my mouth.

But then I tasted sweet Bread in my mouth,
All was still and calm,
Heavenly Hosts filled the sky,
All I could see was light,
I was no longer tossed on the sea,
I floated on the water.

Once from Your wounded side flowed water,
Lovesongs fell from Your mouth,
So often You’d walked beside the sea,
Made rough waters calm,
Suddenly all around was light,
Dark turned to radiance in the sky.

As the sky brightened songs were in my mouth,
The waters of the earth were calm,
The Universe was filled with light, glassy was the sea.

THE LONG SLEEP

It’s time to go to sleep now,
Already the tree is stripped bare,
Grey fills the air,
The whole world seems to be yawning,
Everything is coming to rest,
Waiting to be adorned
With the lacy patterns of winter,
Frozen in time,
To everything there is a time,
And a purpose,
I hear the words once again,
“Come to me
All you who are heavy laden
And I will give you rest”
And now
Exhaustion creeps upon
The ones that were heavy with a fullness
Designed for that time alone,
Berries, fruits, wheat in the fields,
But now the grey is yawning,
The Long Sleep approaches