Month: June 2018

A CHILD’S SEARCH

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I USED TO WALK WITH MY GRANDMOTHER EVERY NIGHT DOWN THE LANE FROM THE FRMHOUSE. THIS LITTLE RONDEAU IS BASED ON THOSE WALKS AND MY SEARCH FOR GOD

Down the lane they walked each night
In the vast dark sky the stars shone bright
In innocence the young child cried
To the one who was walking by her side
“Is it God Who gives the stars their light?”

A hand held onto the child so tight
What was the answer that was right?
How could she this night decide
As down the lane they walked

Reasoned answers took their flight
It seemed that faith was better than sight
Who was now to be their Guide
Where in the Universe did He hide?
Was there One Who saw their plight?
As down the lane they walked

ALLELUIA

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Yesterday I thought that death had got me
I felt the darkness put its arms around me
Hold me tightly, lead me on
Everything was closing down
Suffocating was its grip
Inevitable was its hold
I accepted my fate
For, there is a time for everything
And a season
And the time and the season was now
I said “Goodbye”
And rested
But then the miracle occurred
Suddenly there was the beginning
Of light and life
Like a floid it swept over me
Bathing me, cleansing me
And I heard bells ring
Alleluia, alleluia

IN THE SETTING SUN

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In the setting sun the corn glows gold
And I remember times of old
When celebration filled the air
It seemed that no one had a care

Many times were stories told
Of carefree times within the fold
Of escapades then oh so bold
Of each they all had had their share
In the setting sun

If only now I could take hold
Of memories that off old tongues rolled
Now all there is is to sit and stare
As the day now dies my heart laid bare
Approaching is the winter’s cold
In the setting sun

ON THE HORSE’S BACK

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On the horse’s back I rode
Down lanes close to my old abode
It seemed like scenes from yesteryear
I felt the falling of a tear
Soon my grief flowed

As darkness fell the cock crowed
In my heart I bore a load
Here were those things that I held dear
On the horse’s back

High in the sky the moon glowed
In the byre the cattle lowed
Now there is no place for fear
The past is very very near
When so much joy was on me bestowed
On the horse’s back

SET FREE

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Today I am left wondering
About this God Who slips through cracks
Who is so slippery
That even when
You feel
You have Him in your grasp
He slides away
Effortlessly
Like a wiil o’ the wisp
Light as a feather
“Do not cling to me,”
We hear those words
And know, that even if we would,
We could not
And maybe this is right
For however much
We would like to hold on
To cling
We must set Him free
By setting ourselves free
From definitions
Categorisations
Remembering
That He touched lepers
Kissed them
And we, the lepers
Maimed
Stained
Blemished
Are permanently touched
So no longer
In fear
Must we cling
But know that we are set free
To fly

HOW THIN IS YOUR GOD?

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How thin is your God?
Is He fat with promises divine
Luring you into sweet satisfaction
False as hell?
But who wants to see a thin God
Who slips through cracks
Becomes invisible
Unfed
Un- nourished
Just when you want to enjoy a Banquet
How can you eat His flesh
Drink His blood
When there is nothing left of Him?
Made small by your boundaries
Your definitions
You think He is fat with the food of your prauses
Masks for the unsuspecting
O thou fool
Tonight you will lose all that you had
In the Sea of Deception

JUST SAYIN’

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I sense a stink
My nostrils are burning
Just like my heart
That used to be on fire with love
But now
Burns with the deep pain of coldness
Rejection so deep
By a place that pedals words of love
Using the name of Jesus Christ
Yet assaults us thrice daily
With the hammer of sin,
Who sinned?
And as they extract the blood from my soul
Eating and drinking on my pain
My very own crucifixion
Nailed,
Once and for all,
Never to be released again
But held for ever
In definitions
That give them pleasure
Enjoy my flesh
Enjoy my blood
For one day
You will be told
Just as I have been by you
To go away
“I never knew you,”
Will say the real Christ
Well, you never knew me
I, the leper,
Knocking on your door
I the hungry one
Looking for food
The thirsty one
Looking for drink
But you left me burning in hell

HOST OF ANGELS

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Today
You came to me
With the Host of angels
In hands I had not seen, or felt,
Unknown
You traipsed
Into my world of darkness deep
Assaulted me with Bread
That broke me up
Just like

Broken
Body of Christ
That went into my mouth
I jumped as you forced it on tongue
Gripped in
Teeth clenched
If only you had spoken then
To let me know that you
Were there, waiting
For me

TREACLE

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Have you ever tried to wade through treacle?
Yuk!
Yeah we have treacle mines round here
Dragonby treacle mines is quite close
Provides a lot of work for a lot of people
Along with the stinky steelworks
You don’t wade through them
You just fall into the coke ovens
But you know
I never knew treacle was so sticky
I should have known
But I didn’t
It made me a bit black!
It exhausted me
Took me forever to get through it
All the blood drained from me
Well, I think I got through it in the end
When you are given treacle
Make treacle cakes
Spiced up with a bit of ginger
There’s a lot of treacle cake in our cupboards
Wonder how I’ll eat it all?
I’d better go to a car boot sale
Sell it
Fancy making money out of cancer!

LOVE

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Closer
Than your own breath
Is the comfort you seek
In Love do we have our being
Though pain
Darkens
Our spirits, we reach out and touch
That which is deep within
And find that Love
Waiting

Dark nights
Of weeping leave
Us weak, our hearts open,
In our weakness we find our true strength
In love
Inside
That will never let us go, holds
Us safely in strong arms
Absorbing tears
That fall

Seeking,
You will find rest,
Deep peace beyond measure
It is not far away, but here,
Your heart
Knows it,
Go inside your heart, dear child, lay
Your head down on Love’s breast,
Cry your tears and be soothed,
Trust in this Love,
So deep

HAIR

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Hair doesn’t matter
What is it anyway?
A mask
A covering
A deception
Baldness is good
It says
“This is me
Unadulterated
Uncoloured
But real”
This IS me
Take me or leave me
You with the flowing hair
The blonded locks
That lock up who you are
I am ME
And I will STAY me.

THE DAY THAT HAS GONE

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What shall I do now this fine day has gone,
Has everything died that lived in its span?
Or do I carry within me its long
Hours that throbbed strongly with life and began
A story that only it could create?
Though a story that’s real, touching my heart,
How long now must I hold myself and wait,
To see its effect and what it might start?
Though it seems it has died I can’t forget
The song it has sung and the tears it’s cried,
It touched my soul and my soul dances yet,
With all that it held that I hold inside,
This day is eternal, there is no time,
Down the long years it forever will shine.

DIVINE SPARK

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WRITTEN IN 2015

Last year
I saw beauty
Blossoming all around,
One year, when the blossom bloomed, sky
Was blue, scent filled the air,
A shock hit me,
Cancer,
Inside
A dark room, while
Birds sang and pink adorned
The cherry trees,
I cried
Dying,
The fullness of life all around,
I, empty, except for
Tumours, many,
So large,
How could
This happen now,
In the Spring, when the sun
Shone so brightly,
Night fell
For me,
Soon would begin my fight for life,
Though I, too weak to fight,
Wanted to die,
Go home.
I fought,
To save my life,
Used every ounce of strength,
Assailed by many a dark night,
Inside,
A spark
Still glowed, so tiny no one knew
It was there, but life grew,
Won the battle
Divine

WHO AM I?

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“There’s life before cancer, and there’s life after cancer.”

So said my friend the other day.

It’s true. You are not the same person after as you were before. Or are you?

I look back a lot. I look back to the Lorraine that was, before cancer. Lorraine was a bright, confident, outgoing person. Friendly and giving. She lectured. She mentored. She climbed mountains, walked the hills, cycled many miles, swam thirty lengths a day. She lived doing photography, birdwatching, And so much more. Nature was her life. Seeing it, hearing it, dancing with it.

Cancer took away all of that. It made her blind and unable to walk, with lungs that do not work properly, and little feeling in her hands and feet. She is in constant pain. Now, she is totally dependent upon others, for even the tiniest of things. She has lost all control of her life.

Life before cancer and life after cancer? What is life?

Of course, I am Lorraine. I am talking about myself. And today I have been asking the question “Who am I?”

I guess that means, ‘What defines me?”

Today I tried to go back to the place of my childhood. A small village. A place where I lived for only one year of my life. But a place that I returned to again and again as often as I could, to stay with my grandparents on their farm. There, I was happy. And as I sat there in that place, I tried to re-connect. To re-create the happiness of thise childhood days. But do you know what? You can’t do it. You can’t go back.

So now, I am still left wondering who I am. Am I the same person as I was before I had cancer and went blind? I think the answer is “Yes,” but with loads more knobs on me. My essence is still the same. And within me I still have the divine spark.

So, my friends, if ever I ask you who I am, please remind me that I am still Lorraine , but with extra knobs on, and that I, like everyone, have the divine spark (whatever that is) within me.

And I STILL wear shocking pink socks (Sometimes) and have a penchant for fleas!

THE LINE

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And now a line is drawn
Immoveable, stubborn
Keeping the past intact
The future uncertain
A blank page upon which to write my life
Once I could see, now I am blind
So how will I see the marks I make?
Will I feel them in my heart?
Can I create a new song?
Or is there nothing new under the sun?
And is the line really so stubborn
Or does it have a weak part
Where the past peeps through
Squiggles through a tiny hole
Making its appearance unexpectedly
Shocking
Challenging
Do its notes become part of the new song
Rising up to the sky
Like the lark in the morning

WORDS

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Do you want
Squishy squashy words
Malleable
First one shape then another
Flattened
Raised up
Sideways on
Slithering around like jelly
Wobbling
Glistening
Enticing
Or do you want words
That stand up straight
Firm and solid
That stand the test of time
Words can be anything
Mean anything
Words can defy
Interpretation
But solid words
Stand for ever
Hear now
The truth

THE GIFT

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My soul
This day rejoiced,
Suddenly you appeared,
Shocked me as I sat there praying,
A gift
You bore,
Greater than you could ever know
For you knew not my pain,
My emptiness,
My grief.

The love
Inside the gift
Touched my empty places
Filled to overflowing
My cup, I drank deep of the joy,
Never
Could you
Know how such a small simple thing
Could lift me from despair,
Set me flying
Once more

On ageing and death

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Tom Stodulka

Always looking out into the distance,
there is much beyond the window.
Today it’s dappled light, a reminder of Hopkins, from the days of childhood.
Childhood – what is that? So many memories, so long ago;
Getting old is not easy, so many friends ageing so quickly and more travelling beyond the distance, beyond the window.
How is it for me and my family and friends?
My own special mother?
Just heard some old ladies in the ferry say:
Oh, to be young again!
Indeed, to be young again.
(From ‘Storm Clouds & Silver Linings; My Journey’ by Tom Stodulka)

We are all getting older every day of our lives. As they say, time and tide waits for no man or woman. When we are young, getting older is mostly furthest from our minds. Though sometimes it can be a positive event such as turning 18 or 21, when we…

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THESE BOOTS

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“These boots are made for walking”
Is what she sang
And that’s just what
I’m gonna do
Just walk, walk, walk,
Until
I can walk no more
Until I achieve my goal
Until I have no more anger
Until I can cry no more
Until someone listens
Until someone hears
The voiceless ones
The pain filled ones
The rejected ones
The lepers
The ones we don’t want to kiss
The ones we make fun of
The ones we have to make fun of
Because
They remind us
Of our own vulnerability
And the old truth that
There but for the grace of God go I
I will walk
I will scream
I will cry
I will drive them out of their man mad temples
With whips and cords

And so
I drive out
The powerful enemies of the oppressed
The hypocrites
The whitewashed temples
Of the most heinous sins of humanity
Let them go,
Let them go,
These whitewashed temples,
These painted cows
These liars
These foes
Let them go
And build
Build
Build
A new creation
A new humanity
Walk, walk, walk
DO it
NOW

TESTED

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Never ending
The path that we tread
Beset with perils,
Darkest nights
We lose our bearings,
Stretch out our hands,
Feel our way,
Terror strikes us,
In fear we fall,
But there on the ground we find
Bright gems,
Shining,
Again we rise,
Like gold,
Tested,
Tried,
Proved,
In the fires of life

KINGFISHER

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I sit one day looking at the fields,
A flash of colour takes my eye,
It darts so fast across the water,
I am mesmerised by such deep, rich colour,
It lands quite suddenly on a branch,
A beautiful tiny kingfisher.

For the very first time I see the kingfisher,
In a dyke surrounding the fields,
So close it sits on the swaying branch,
I see it clearly in my eye,
I am entranced by its wonderful colour,
Gently flows the water.

It sits looking at the moving water,
Containing fish for the kingfisher,
How amazing is its colour,
Matching the green of the fields,
Showing up on the grey-brown branch,
I can hardly move my eye.

I see it fluttering in my eye,
It starts to dart across the water,
Flying off the swaying branch,
This beautiful little kingfisher,
The wind blows gently on the fields,
The grass a shimmering green in colour.

I become aware of deeper colour,
Wherever I cast my eye,
Whether it be on the sky or on the water,
On the wild flowers in the fields,
Or on the little kingfisher,
That fluttered off the grey-brown branch.

Inside I thank God for that grey-brown branch,
My life now is full of deeper colour,
Brought into being by the kingfisher,
On which I feasted my eye,
As I look at the colours in the field,
I thank God for the moving water.

The sun shines on the water enhancing dancing colour ,
Even the brown-grey branch, that draws my eye,
Catching the shimmering green of the field, reflected in kingfishers wing.

LOST

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THE FOLLOWING POEM WAS WRITTEN AFTER MANY MONTHS OF RECEIVING MUCH CRUELTY VIA WORDS AND ACTIONS FOR BEING BLIND AND IN A WHEELCHAIR. IN OTHER WORDS, DISABLED. THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE

I’m a lost soul shaking in the dark
You pursue me
Judge me
Make me fit your box
Your coldness freezes me
Until, like an icicle, I break
Today I am broken
Shivering
Today I search for a warm blanket
But do not find one
Hostility follows me as I search
Never will I find safety
Or the green pastures
And share in your banquet
For this is only for the loved ones
The cherished ones
The ones who do not make mistakes
The perfect ones
Blot free
But I need blotting paper
To blot out the running ink marks
Cotton wool to absorb the blood
I am not like you
And you would never come looking for me
While I search for my blanket
Once again
I feel the hammer’s blow
Once again my blood runs
Cold
No one likes blood

THE EDGE OF LIGHT

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I sit on the edge of light before dawn
Feeling a growing prayer deep in my heart
Over the years I’ve known many a storm
As light dawns I know it could be the start
Of the end of the darkness holding me
Closing my eyes to the glorious light
The beauty of nature surrounding me
Long and hard I have fought this dark night’s fight
But now I greet with joy this brand new day
Knowing light will flood my world, dispel dark
At the foot of Your Cross my Lord I lay
My hopes and dreams, my fate, emotions stark
I wait here on the edge of light, Your will
Be done, nature joins my prayer, silent, still

GLEAMING DARKNESS

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Darkness has had a bad press. But to rehabilitate the darkness is to rehabilitate me. I sing the praises of the darkness

Here in the winter of my life,
The cold darknesses,
The pain and strife,
I find again and again,
The gleaming hope ,
Not loss but gain,
The darkness glows with warming light,
Holds out its arms for me to take,
I take

SACRED DAY

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There before the altar that day
I became one with the Son of Man
As if I too was on the Cross
Taken there by Divinest Love
Suffering so great was in my heart
As I laid it on the altar

Silently I’d approached the altar
Heavy with pain upon this day
Only His Cross was in my heart
And the sufferings of the Son of Man
Yet all I bore was the divinest love
Enough to nail me to the Cross

I saw Him crying on the Cross
Standing there upon the altar
Shining through the tears such love
I remembered then that blackened day
How could this be the Son of Man?
I felt the nails then piercing my heart

Always I had known within my heart
That I too must take up my Cross
Taking strength from the Son of Man
On bended knee before the altar
Now here I was upon this day
One with Him in grief and love

My body trembled with such love
Beholding now His Sacred Heart
I never knew that such a day
Would fuse me with Him on the Cross
That I would lie upon the altar
Beloved of the Son of Man

The Sacrifice of the Son of Man
Became mine too in deepest love
Oh how holy was that altar
Oh how Sacred was His Heart
Oh how glowing was that Cross
Shining out in the blackened day.

I never thought I would see a day drenched in love
Or the Son of Man’s Most Sacred Heart
On the Sacred Cross shining from the altar

DON’T LOOK BACK

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Don’t look back, your hour has come,
Your dream has now been realised,
Past pains and sorrows now are done.

Many lies to you were spun,
From this your hopes and dreams were prised,
Don’t look back, your hour has come.

In our lives we have to shun
Those things that lies idealised,
Past pains and sorrows now are done.

Now you are soaring, there are none
That can fix you in what is stylised,
Don’t look back, your hour has come.

Live this moment know the fun
Don’t ever now be compromised,
Past pains and sorrows now are done,
Don’t look back, your hour has come

TODAY SHE RAN OUT OF INK

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Today she ran out of ink
Her well had dried up
Her hand lay limp at her side
Just like the brain in her head
Who was going to fill her well?
Her gaze hit the floor

Her dreams lay on the floor
Pictures not drawn in ink
Her life had not gone well
How could those dreams rise up?
What could she do with her head
Put everything aside?

She had nothing left inside
But plenty on the floor
Looking up at her head
Thirsty for some ink
Didn’t the devil do well?
How could the fragments get up?

Something told her she had to buck up
Lift her hand up from her side
Take a drink from the well
Picking things up from the floor
Riding on the fountain’s head
Ready to write in ink

Things have to be written ink
In letters that stand up
Words not just from the head
But from the heart that beats inside
Refreshed by the drink from the well
Rising up from the floor

Now there is nothing on the floor
Not even spilled ink
Magical was the well
Lifting her spirits up
Now she’s back on the right side
Everything’s right in her head

The fountain’s head gives life to the ink
That once was on the floor looking up
At the hand lying limp at her side unaware of the well

TEND NOT TO THE DARKNESS

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THIS POEM IS INSPIRED BY ST. JOHN OF THE CROSS

Tend not to the darkness within your soul,
Except in as much to know that it is light,
Do not let this darkness take you from your goal

It seems that oh so many afflictions roll,
Descend on you, pleasures take their flight,
Tend not to the darkness within your soul

Darkest nights that assail you take their toll,
The pain you know so well begins to bite,
Do not let this darkness take you from your goal

Do not see the part, but know the whole,
That even darkness to your God is bright,
Tend not to the darkness within your soul

Within this state the dark your pleasures stole,
Never had you been in such a plight,
Do not let this darkness take you from your goal

Soon will come a time that ends your toil,
The prize you aimed for then will be in sight,
Tend not to the darkness within your soul
Do not let this darkness take you from your goal

THE SHINING

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Ladies
Fingers adorned
The lonely green grass verge
With violets and campions
Colours
So bright
Glorious were those summer days
Shining with love and life
Now in the dark
I shine

Scenes come
Into my mind
From wondrous childhood days
Sadness
I knew
But always there was the shining
Nature taught me to love
In the darkness
And light

TILTED

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THIS IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE. WHEN I WENT FOR MY CT SCAN THE REPORT SAID “PATIENT APPEARS TILTED.” Now am I really tilted or not. And is this a good thing or a bad thing. I rather like being different lol

“Tilted” it said,
“Patient appears tilted,”
So now it’s official,
I’m tilted,
The whole world is tilted,
Flawed,
Marked,
Spinning
Out of control,
When will the spinning stop?
In this
Vortex of fear,
Nothing seems right,
All controls gone,
Powerless I wail,
“Please put me right,
I’m tilted.”

LOST WORLDS

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Visit
With me lost worlds
That still speak through the gloom
Nature in all its wonder, clangs,
Chatters
Loudly
What is it saying now to me?
That the sun still shines bright
Warming my skin
Birds call

Do you
Hear nature call?
It says so much to me
But I am learning its language
Join me
In this
World of sound, the wind blowing, brooks
Singing for joy in Spring
Let us know joy
In sound

MY FRIEND YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TODAY – for my friend who died

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MY FRIEND YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TODAY

My friend, you look beautiful today,
Dressed in red, you’re defiant,
No one will make you do it their way.

Many would cry if they were in your shoes,
But on nobody are you reliant,
My friend, you look beautiful today.

You didn’t flinch when you were given the news,
You were filled with only one intent,
No one will make you do it their way.

You had it worked out, whatever they’d say,
There was no way that you would relent,
My friend, you look beautiful today.

You laughed all day long, there was no grey,
Though we talked of funerals without a lament,
No one will make you do it their way.

We talked of your ashes, and where they might lay,
Your song wasn’t sad, but innocent,
My friend, you look beautiful today.

You wanted them taken somewhere away,
To a place that you thought decent,
No one will make you do it their way.

A friend would be sent into space, you’d pay,
You’d be on the first trip, on that you were bent,
My friend, you look beautiful today.

Your ashes she’d scatter, it would be quite gay,
This amazing plan only you could invent,
No one will make you do it their way.

Beauty from ashes is what we pray,
Your soul will live on like a golden ray,
My friend, you look beautiful today,
No one will make you do it their way.

Copyright Lorraine Lewis 2015. From my poetry book “Songs of Hope.”

DANCING QUEENS – in memory of my best friend, Blossom Wilson

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I have copied and pasted this from my poetry book entitled “Songs of Hope.”

The first two poems in this book are dedicated to my friend, Blossom Wilson, who hopes that others will find inspiration from the sentiments they contain. Never give up hope. Live life to the full for as long as you can, and even when life hurts, sing and dance if you can.

DANCING QUEENS.

Tonight you and I were the Dancing Queens
With our heads held high we fulfilled our dreams
Together we danced with the joy of life
Defying death in the face of our grief,
We laughed and sang, waved our arms in the air,
In that moment of joy we didn’t care,
Nothing was going to stop us tonight,
Tears were not going to cloud our clear sight,
For one thing we knew despite all the pain
Was we’d nothing to lose and all to gain,
You are incurable, I in remission,
So while on this earth we don’t need permission
To do anything that makes us feel good,
Clinging to hope walking on this rough road,
Each helping the other to carry their load,
We laugh at the moon and sing to the stars,
The deepest of joy will always be ours

Copyright Lorraine Lewis 2015

LAUGHTER

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FOR MY FRIEND BLOSSOM WILlSON WHO JUST DIED OF CANCER

THIS POEM IS JUST THAT! A TRIBUTE TO MY FRIEND AND WHAT WE WENT THROUGH TOGETHER.

I heard it last night.
That you had gone
The lady in bright red and pink
It was your laugh that made me curious
There in the chemo ward.
I in the bed, you on a chair
I knew you not, then
But wondered how you could laugh
How do you laugh at cancer?
I, still in the throes of shock and grief,
Your laughter so incongruous,
But soon I learned
That you always laughed,
Your laughter sounding through the ward
Like a pealing bell
How did you do it?
But I was to learn
To laugh
That to get through fear you have to laugh
And oh the fear!
“Everyone who comes in here is frightened,”
The nurse said to me,
“And everyone who comes in here is brave,”
But I was not brave
Was I going to fail at cancer,
My deepest dread?
It seemed incongruous,
The laughter,
And the wiggling bottoms of the nurses at Christmas
As they assaulted us with needles
Many times
Adjusted chemo bags
Oh those blasted drugs they gave me,
VinBLASTine, oh what a blast!
BLEOmycin, oh how it blew my mind –
AND my body,
I remember how they told me
“This one will make your bum itch,”
And so it did,
Red hot itching
And in the ward a man,
Who had waited all week for this
Or so he said,
“Best feeling I ever had,” he said,
And for me,
The last one to go in – dacarbazine
“Grown men cry at this one going in,” they said,
But I KNEW,
This lady was NOT for crying
This lady was for telling jokes
Oh yes,
I learned how to laugh
At cancer, and the whole bloody lot,
For not to laugh is to die,
But last night you did,
You died
Are you still laughing?
I’m not

WOMAN WHY DO YOU WEEP?

On By blindzanygirlIn Poems, Uncategorized3 Comments

Woman
Why do you weep?
Because they have taken
All that I am and ever was
Casting
Lots for
My clothes that lie dormant and dead
As if to cast away
My very life
Go now

My clothes
Were colourful
Chosen especially, bright
Like the person I truly am
But now
You dress
Me in black and grey and brown, kill
The spirit within me
The life that lived
I weep

Woman
I am but who
Would ever know it? Wrapped
In these deathly shrouds that you choose
Inside
I live
And breathe and glow and know that I
Make love to the world, feel
My gracious curves
Heal me!

SHEEP

On By blindzanygirlIn Uncategorized4 Comments

Through the mullioned windows I saw the sheep,
Illuminated by the sun,
As I gazed at them my spirit danced,
Then they disappeared behind the hill,
Now, again, all seemed dark,
I waited, hoping that they would come back.

To my delight they soon came back,
Huge was this flock of sheep,
When they returned it was no longer dark,
Again I could see the sun,
But they went again, behind the hill,
So I got on my feet and danced.

I remembered another dark day when I’d danced,
Though I knew he was not coming back,
With him I climbed that enormous hill,
Rugged, just as it was for the sheep,
I longed for him to see the sun,
So his journey would not be so dark.

I danced at his bedside that day in the dark,
Holding hands, we danced,
Many days we had spent in the sun,
But now I knew he was not coming back,
So my heart danced as I saw the sheep,
Coming out from behind the hill.

He once climbed that enormous hill,
Sometimes in the sun, sometimes in the dark,
I thought of him when I saw the sheep,
And remembered how we had danced,
Soon, none of us will be coming back,
May we always see the sun.

Even when in the dark we remember the sun,
Letting it guide us up the hill,
The one thing we know, we can never turn back,
Be forever in the dark,
All that will matter is how we danced,
May we take our cue from the sheep.

Sheep climb safely up the hill,
Whether in the sun or the dark,
I remember how on a dark day I danced, never looking back

FATE

On By blindzanygirlIn Uncategorized12 Comments

The path I found was level that day
I had not been for such a long time
And now I was waiting to hear my fate
Would I survive or would I die?
I determined to walk once again on the path
Even through death I would survive

What does it really mean to survive?
Have we eternity or have we a day?
If we knew how hard would be our path
How would we spend this our time?
One day we all are going to die
None of us know our fate

Can we leave all in our lives to fate?
Or can we control things so we will survive?
If we survive will we still die?
Will we survive this very day?
There is such mystery entwined in time
That draws us ever down the path

Sometimes we may not like the path
But here we walk for it is our fate
Will we walk it just for a time?
When we fall on rocks will we still survive?
When we come to the end of the day
Will we live or will we die?

The sun goes down and this day will die
I see it setting while walking the path
It always goes down at the end of the day
To go down for ever, will this be my fate?
What dies one day will always survive
Soon we will reach the end of time

I know that now there is little time
It will not be long before I die
What of me will still survive?
What will still live of me on life’s path?
I can only now leave all to fate
Nothing can change at the end of the day

How much time is left on the path?
One day all are going to die
Will fate win or will we survive?

IN UNISON

On By blindzanygirlIn Poems, Uncategorized2 Comments

You hear
When I speak sweet
Words of beauty, raising
Your hearts to heaven, with you I
Rise too,
Complex
Is a life that is mixed, contradicts
All expectations, stirs
Up waters once
Still, clear

How can
Lives lived in pain
Ever be still and clear?
We wrestle, trying to claim peace,
But only
Moments
Come with comfort, then pain rises
We cry in unison
With those who weep
In grief

GEESE

On By blindzanygirlIn Poems, Uncategorized8 Comments

Geese flew overhead one day,
Forming a ‘V’ in the sky,
Chattering loudly as they went,
Each knowing what the other meant.

Forming a ‘V’ in the sky,
The leader honking loudest,
Each knowing what the other meant,
Giving help to the weakest.

The leader honking loudest,
Cacophony of sound,
Giving help to the weakest,
Journeying towards their destination.

Cacophony of sound,
A clear message from the sky,
Journeying towards their destination,
To help our weaker brothers.

A clear message from the sky,
“How to reach our destination”,”
To help our weaker brothers,
Outpouring of God’s love.

“How to reach our destination”,
Nature reveals the secret,
Outpouring of God’s love,
Geese flew overhead one day.

WATCH ME FLY

On By blindzanygirlIn Poems, Uncategorized15 Comments

Last night you tried to cage me in
Put prison bars around me
Define me as you wanted to
I don’t live in boxes

Put prison bars around me
I will break them all
I don’t live in boxes
Defy your definitions

I will break them all
Smash them on the ground in pieces
Defy your definitions
You cannot bind my soul

Smash them on the ground
Watch me rise from bondage
You cannot bind my soul
For I know how to fly

Watch me rise from bondage
Strong wings bearing me
For I know how to fly
Last night you tried to cage me in

BIRTHING

On By blindzanygirlIn Poems, Uncategorized29 Comments

I used to be OK with going blind
Was that real?
Or was it because of the pressure
To see things as others wanted me to?
Or was it maybe that I had no choice?
Only the choice to be OK with it
Or to let the pain overtake me
What was the reality?
Was it a game?
How can you make a game of going blind?
Even as a child I learned
To show no emotion
To bear the utmost pain
Without a murmur
It became a habit
A habit I could not break
Crying was not allowed
Violence was normalised
And so, the violence of blindness
Could not be allowed to find acknowledgement
It was OK to go blind
But now I am lost
I was good at seeing with the eyes of the heart
I was good at making the best of it
I was good at smiling when all was not well
I was a good girl
I gave people what they wanted
While inside my heart was breaking
And fear ran riot
Confusion filled my soul
I wanted to do it well you know
To succeed at being blind
Failure was not even on the menu
I could not be seen to stumble
And fall
And now
This taut ball of humanity
Is breaking
I am not brave
This taut ball of humanity
Wants to scream and scream
And cry out
“I’M BLIND.”
And I know
That even as I scream and cry
The very stones will cry out with me
For all the Universe is groaning
As if in the pangs of childbirth
But oh, what a birthing this is
If indeed it is a birth
And not a death
And as I give birth
To this thing called blindness
That has lain fallow for so long
Will it kill me?
Is it too big for me?
You wave at me and smile
As you watch this birthing
And call me proud
As I do not wave back
And I know that in your eyes
I must go to Confession
For failing to deliver
Because I was too busy
Delivering blindness
And so you beat me with the stick of blame
As the baby was being born
I had held it within me for so long
But now, it is here,
Born upon this earth,
And I cry
“Lord, I am blind.”